No Such Thing as A Tiger

My daughter is at that age where we're trying to get her to learn words and names of things.  She got a picture dictionary for her birthday which she loves, though it's mainly because there's an orange cat on the Pets page.

I thought that I would expand her vocabulary by getting her another one with different content.  I liked it because it has the tabs, which seemed like it would be easier to turn the pages.  And I liked it because it looked like all of the objects would be full pictures of the object- the pictures in My Little Word Book seem to mostly be close-ups of faces.

My question there:  When you see a chicken or a lion, is the face the first thing that you notice?

I know I'm going out on a limb here to say, "No", but it seems that the educational value of this book is somewhat limited to faces of animals and objects.


After reading through these two picture dictionaries for the past 6 months, I have come to some more conclusions:

1. These books are written and edited by people on the US East Coast.
2. There's no such thing as a car.
3. There's no such thing as a flower.

Why do I say that?

Because it seems that the granularity of description of these two books is somewhat inconsistent.

For example:  They say "Puppy", like you see on the cover, but when you look at the fish, it's a "Goldfish".

Not "fish", but "goldfish".

When you look at the cars page, it doesn't just have "Car", it has "sports car", "racing car", but then is just says "car" instead of "coupe" or "sedan" and "bus" instead of "school bus" or "city bus".

When you look at the park page, there's a picture of "a tree", but the neighboring page of flowers has a "cornflower", a "rose", and a "daffodil".

Honestly, who is editing these books?

The pictures should be described to the same level of detail.  Not "a tree" but "a birch tree" or "an oak tree".  They look very different!

You can also tell that the books are from authors and editors on the East Coast because the names of the objects like "sofa" instead of "couch".  And in the My First Words book (which seems to have a capitalization problem in the title), they have a whole page about the beach where they have pinwheels and a picture of an Eastern Seagull.

After going to the beach for 20 years in California, I never had pinwheels on the beach.  They weren't around on the embarcadero, either.  It's more of a Coney Island, East Coast thing.

And, let me be frank, California is big on make-up; even the Seagulls have red lipstick on.  What really bothered me, though, about the books was that when we took them to the zoo with my daughter to help her make the connection, the zoo had a female lion.

Want to guess what gender was in the book?

Both are correct, but the book is teaching the kid that a lion is only a male lion.  It would be better if there were pictures of both the female and male since there are such big gender differences.  I guess the same could be true of cardinals, but you so rarely see the female bird that I guess it's understandable to go with the male picture.

Finally, I had purchased some  Animals flashcards because I thought that they would work well for rote memorization.



Completely different publisher.

Completely different author.

They suffer from the same problems.

They have "baracuda" and "piranha" cards...and they also have "horse" and "tiger".  I think that there might be a few equestrians out there that would strongly disagree with having a single card generically labeled "horse".

And "tigers".  There's really not such thing as a "tiger".  There are Siberian Tigers, Bengal Tigers, South China tigers, Balinese Tigers,  Javan Tigers, Indochinese Tigers, Sumatran Tigers, Caspian Tigers, and Malaysian Tigers.

If you're going to get down to the level of "Rattlesnake" and "Boa Constrictor" for "snake", then you really need to be consistent.

Mixed Jelly Beans

I've never really liked candy much.

When I have the option of candy, including chocolate, or something salty, I'll ALWAYS go for something salty.  It's just something about that disgusting flavor that sugar leaves on your tongue after you eat it.

BLECH!

So, it's usually a pretty safe bet to keep candy around the house for my husband- because I know that I won't nibble.

Thus, I purchased one of the big canisters of Jelly Bellys from Costco.  You know the one?  It's got some 10,000 jelly beans in- 40 flavors or so-

Well, I have remembered that I do have a certain fondness for some of the Jelly Bellys.

It started innocently enough.  I wanted just a little something sweet after a spicy meal- cuts the capsaicin feeling, you know?  Well, here were a bowl of jelly beans that seemed to be the right size for the sweetness I was looking for...

But what flavor to choose?

I mean, it's not like just eating a traditional jelly bean where, except for the licorice one, they all pretty much taste like "jelly bean".  Jelly Bellys actually have flavor.

So, as I'm faced with this dilemma, I decided to try a yellow one.

BLECH!

Some sort of pineapple or something.

Well, now I needed to get rid of that flavor.  Try a different one-

BLECH!

Root beer!

Well, now I needed to get rid of that flavor.  Try a different one-

-and, this is how I managed to try about 1/2 the flavors in the container.  It seemed like an obligation, then to make sure that I've tried one of EVERY flavor, right?

So, I'm gradually making my way through the flavors.  While I was doing dishes, my husband walked past the jar and asked if I wanted one and I said, "sure, how about the Strawberry Cheesecake one?"

He looked at the chart.

He looked in the bowl.

He dug around a big.

And he popped one in my mouth...

...it was some sort of LIME flavor!

And I as I was chiding him for not finding the right color, I remembered-

ahh, right - color blindness-

Why it that most of the colors that they offer are in the green or red shades?

And why mix them all together, anyway?  You just end up digging through the pot looking for the one that you want.  Why not sell the big container full in individual baggies or a divided carton or something?  Like eggs.

Isn't that the way that Jelly Bellys used to be sold?  With the little tasting chart that describes how you can mix and match flavors to come up with new flavors...like coffee and vanilla to make a latte flavor (by the way, that is a GOOD combo...unless you accidentally mistake a root beer flavored bean for a coffee flavored bean..then, you better like root beer floats)...

Then you, and everyone else eating out of the bowl, wouldn't need to dig through with their fingers (god knows where they've been).  You could feel like you could eat more than one at once because, you wouldn't be mixed flavors.

Jelly bean makers would sell so many more beans if they sold them that way because people wouldn't just eat one at a time.

It would be handfuls.

In Honor of the Approaching Mid-Summer

It used to be that I could knit a baby sweater in a week or less.  Of course, that was when my daughter was 3, 6, or even 9 months old.

And that was also when I was still pregnant, so my time was my own...no jumping up to change diapers or running around after the Peanut.  The biggest concerns I had were running to the bathroom and back pain.

So, now I have to plan a bit more in advance when I start making her outfits.  

Thus, now that mid-summer is approaching, it is time to start knitting those winter jackets. 

Here is one of my favorite:

http://wishingiwasknitting.blogspot.com/2007/07/baby-jiffy-knit-sweater.html

I've made it several times now in 3, 6, 9 month sizes.  It would seem, though, that adding 1/2 again as many stitches to the number of stitches on size 4 needles is too big for 2T....perhaps try only adding only 12 to the starting (increase by 1/4).

Happy Knitting

Don't Buy From Shutterfly

I recently fell for Shutterfly's "get 50 prints free for signing up" offer.  I'd had a bad experience with them cutting the pictures weird and using old developer (yes, another one of my possible careers was as a graphic artist, so I do know a tad about developing pictures...the old way).

Anyway, they have a history of delivering poor quality.  When I complained last time, it took, literally, 2 months to get my $7.75 back from the company and that was only after the Better Business Bureau got involved.

So, why did I try them again?

Well, I was running short on time for getting some prints made and the new laptop, running Windows 7, doesn't accept the old HP 1350 software that would allow me to queue up several prints at once.  So, I either need to print them one at a time, or take the old XP laptop downstairs and hook it up to the printer, because, oh yeah, if you can't use the old software over a network unless the server also has a copy of the old software.

Basically, it's a big, hectic mess.

 But, from now on, I'll definitely force myself through the steps until I buy a new printer.

Why?

Well, Shutterfly has NOT fixed it's problems following our previous battle.  In fact, they've only gotten worse.

1. The paper quality is now the CHEAPEST quality of photo paper I've ever felt.  It's lighter than a sheet of standard, white printing paper.
2. This probably accounts for the poor coloring of the picture because there isn't enough paper there to absorb the image and developer to give a picture.
3. That isn't to say that the developer isn't old- you can tell it's old and not kept at the proper temperature by the pinkish hue throughout the pictures.  Customer Service says that there is no color enhancement...but there is a "vividness" boost that they give to the pictures... what, color?  DUH?
4. And, last but certainly not least, they artificially crop images.  When I contact customer service about this they try to tell me that they don't do anything like that...but that they do scan and try to center faces with their new, fancy image recognition software.  So, if you're a professional photographer and purposefully off-set the people in the shot, well, you'll get it back zoomed in and centered on the person.  

Here's an example:

The picture you took:

The picture that they give you back "enhanced"

Because that's what people want, right?

I know I certainly appreciated my baby's face being whacked off.

When all is said and done, for the time and energy that you're going to spend fighting with them to deliver quality photographs, it's cheaper to buy a new photo printer yourself.

Memorial Day

Welcome to Memorial Day in America where we celebrate the true remembrances of what it means to be an American:

1. Price Gouging 
2. Sitting in traffic
3. Ruining the environment for our enjoyment.

You know what I mean.  Half a week before a single-day holiday, like Memorial Day, gas prices go up 30%.  You actually can set the dates on your calendar...and you better, if you need gas.  When I was commuting from one end of town to the other, I used to leave myself sticky notes just to remember to fill up before the price hike.  And now that it's here, prices will take over a week to go back to normal.

That's an American custom.  Lie, cheat, and steal someone else's money until they can't afford anything but sitting at home reading a book.

But, that brings up another American custom:  debt.  Most people in America just don't care about how much is owed on their credit cards.  And there isn't any penalty for having debt, so Americans keep racking it up...

...Thus, it won't surprise you that the major of Minnesotans run up their credit cards on filling up their over-sized cars and motor boats and ATVs to sit in traffic on a trip "Up North" to a fishing cabin up in the northern part of Minnesota, belching out polluted puffs of smog from their tailpipes.

Which brings us to our final American holiday custom:  the ruination of the environment.  

ATVs tearing up the land and vegetation...

Motor boats, ripping out the lake vegetation and killing lake fauna...

And the over-fishing of the mercury-polluted lakes, constantly forcing further reproduction of the fish which then overeat the remaining lake vegetation and eggs.

It's completely disharmony with nature.

It's 180 degrees for the state of Zen.

Ahh the American dream.

Latches Board Is Challenging For Adults

I've been searching for a latch box for my daughter, but they're all over $60 each.  It seems a bit expensive for a box with different latches on each side.

So, based on their reputation (and Amazon reviews), I purchased the Melissa & Doug latches board.

And how disappointed I was when it arrived with the following design flaws:

1. The chain lock on door 5 just falls all over- it doesn't stay in the latch at all.
2. The bar latch on door 3 is so difficult to pull out and push in that I can't open it without bracing the board with my elbows and pulling/pushing with both hands.  How is a 3 year old going to be able to open that?!
3. The padlock latch on door 6 should have been put on in the other direction because when you flip it open, the bar part of the latch gets lodged in door 5, so you can't open it.  Again, how is a child supposed to figure out that the bar is lodged in the slot for door 5, pull it out, and then open door 6?
4. The same problem is true with the classic latch on door 1- it gets lodged in door 4 in a very similar way.
5. The words and images under the doors are painted such that you have to open the door ALL the way, to see the words.  They could have painted the images centered under the door, but I guess they wanted to challenge kids withe a little game of hide-and-seek as well as the latches.
6. Doors 1 and 5 door have any door knob or latch that the child and use to OPEN the door- they have cut out a little finger hole because otherwise, opening these doors is impossible.

In addition to these fantastic latch challenges, the the hinges on the doors 3 and 6 are not aligned properly and or perhaps are just too tight because the doors don't shut all the way- they remain buckled and open a bit.

I think that this experience has taught me that it might be time to learn to use a table saw and how to install latches myself- it seems that's the only reasonably priced way my daughter is going to be a latches board OR box.

Editable Grout

My daughter recently started getting peanut butter for snacks because she needed more protein and I heard it was something fun for kids to "dip".

Well, my daughter taught me a couple of lessons about peanut butter.

1. Peanut butter, being smearable and approximately the same color as cosmetic foundation, is really hard to see and clean off after "dipping" exercises.
2. You will REALLY know if your kid doesn't tolerate peanut butter by the near explosive, diarrhetic back-firings after eating said smearable treat.

Thank you, daughter.

I've got several friends who can't eat peanuts, so I know about the other nut butters and, having tried Sunbutter before (Absolutely DISGUSTING), I thought we should try some almond butter.

So...a trip to the local grocery store...

...who just finished removing the organic section of their store, opting for an "integrated" inventory.  (in other words, they mixed all the organic stuff in with the other food, so it's harder to find)  When I went to the peanut butter aisle, I did find the one jar of Sunbutter (ironically surrounded on all sides by peanut butter brands), but not almond butter.

So... a trip to the co-op...

(if you don't have co-ops where you live, it's like a Whole Foods, but smaller and with "membership" options...so it's basically more expensive and claims to be completely local and organic)

The co-op did have some almond butter.  Four kinds, as a matter of fact. Since I was going through all the effort of getting something healthy and organic for my kid, I decided to get the jar without salt, sugar, palm oil, or other "additives".

Here's the brand we bought:  Once Again.
It claims to be "creamy".

Uhm, if your definition of "creamy" means that there aren't any whole or partial nuts, then, yes, it's "creamy".  My daughter, however, indicated with several gags that she didn't agree with this claim.  When I tried it, I would have to classify it as edible grout.  It's about as viscous as grout, and has about that same sandpaper texture.

Fun, huh?

So, as requested by our daughter, we searched for another brand.

Costco sells Maranatha brand almond butter.

It is also just almonds.  It is also about 1/3 of the price of Once Again.  It's much less gritty, but still has that definable texture.  (I would compare it to difference between porcelain grit and all purpose tile grit).  Our daughter finds it...acceptable, but still wanted something smoother.

So, we search again.

I found Barney Butter on Amazon.

While I was completely freaked out by the fact that it's manufactured in Fresno, CA, I was impressed by it's appearance and texture- it is COMPLETELY smooth.  You'd never know the difference between creamy peanut butter and the Barney Butter.  However, it also has palm oil, and, sadly, hardly any flavor.  The price is about the same as Once Again,which is pretty expensive for a jar of nut butter....

And then there's the fulfillment issues with Amazon, where they can't deliver any groceries without having them damaged in some way.  (If you don't believe me, read the reviews yourself.)

Anyway, after trying three different brands, I think we might try cashew butter or something else.  Perhaps it will be closure to peanut butter because the nuts are about the same firmness and fattiness.  We'll keep you posted.

Places NOT to shop online

There are two places in the last month where I have tried to make online purchases in the past two months.

Both offered free shipping if you spent a certain dollar amount.

I filled the shopping cart in both cases to the requisite amount.

I both cases, the cart showed that I had free shipping.

In both cases, I filled out the address information.

In both cases, I filled out the create account information.

Then, I got to the page where I would enter my credit card.

I filled out the credit card fields.

And in BOTH cases, when I looked at the total amount, the shipping amount had been added BACK into the cart.

o_O

In BOTH cases, I tried checking out again.

And again

And again.

I closed the browser and reopened it...

...and tried again.

None of these efforts worked to rectify the cart amount.

When I contact customer service, in both cases, none of the reps were surprised by the defect.

Now, this is flat out stealing.  I believe it might even fall in the bait-and-switch or some "not honoring the sale price" law.

I think that these companies are doing this deliberately.  Their only answer to this have you call in to customer service, where they can up-sell you on more crap from their websites.  They have no intention of fixing the problem.

And which sites are cheating their customers?

www.Teavana.com and www.officedepot.com

These are two companies that I would have thought would be reliable for online purchases.  It just goes to show you that you can't trust ANY company.  And from my personal experience, I won't be shopping from either Teavana or Office Depot any time soon.

Million Dollar Idea Fashion Revolution

I was recently trying to buy a dress online. You know, it's the spring season and I haven't bought a new dress in over two years (because of the baby, you know?  Just refused to buy something while I was that big...TEMPORARILY that big).

Anyway, it's time.  I thought I'd shop one of these online spring clearance sales (hard to believe it's spring clearance already!)  Now, I know that I'm not the same body I was before I got pregnant.  For one thing, I'm still breastfeeding so the girls are quite large still.  For another, the abs will never be the same because I had them sliced in half with a C-section.  But, frankly, it's because I'm not anorexic.

So, being a completely different body shape, I'm just not sure WHAT is going to look good on me.

As I waded through the 500 variations on color and fabric of the exact same cut of dress (and wondered, god, is this the Summer of Hookers?), I started to ponder...

What size is that manikin that the dress is on?

The picture doesn't say.

The site doesn't say.

And, frankly, "size" doesn't really matter since it's a completely imaginary number modified by every women's garment that's manufactured.

Now, this isn't a tirade about how dumb it was the for army to arbitrarily assign numeric sizes to women's uniforms during WWII...and how that stuck.

Nor is this a tirade about how it's dumb that we, as women, still feel judged by the little printed number in our pants.

This isn't even a tirade about how idiotic it is to have Misses sizes in odd numbers and "Women's" sizes in even numbers (or why it's "Misses" but "Women's"...little bit of a grammar problem there, folks).

No, this is a tirade about not being able to buy a dress online because you just don't know how it's going to fit.  It's the main reason why shopping malls still exist, frankly, because they're chock full of clothing stores where you have to go and try on these artificially sized clothes.  A size 6 at Target is not a Size 6 at The Gap or a Size 6 at Victoria's Secret.

But, when was the last time you really wanted to shop for underwear at the store?  Or you just want to replace your favorite pair of pants that, well, sorry, the style has become obsolete, so that "size 6" is not longer available.  Perhaps it's a store, like Victoria Secret, where they don't sell clothes in the store- just underwear.  You're only option is to purchase online.

But, wait, they charge you to return those pants if they don't fit.

Wouldn't it be great if you could just use your online avatar to try on those clothes virtually before buying?  I'm not talking about the augmented reality stuff where you use a webcam.  I'm talking about a computer program/system where the user would plug in their measurements to create a real form for themselves.  I don't know why we don't have this already with all the game engine and (heaven forbid) Facebook avatars out there.

So, for you programmers that want to make an easy million, here's how it should work:

1.  The user should be able to enter their measurements.  If you want to enter skin tone, eye color, hair color, great, but I'm more concerned about the measurements.

2. The user would select the style of clothing they want.

3. The system would read the measurements entered into the computer about that pair of jeans and recommend sizes that would fit the avatar.  (though I don't want to see any comments on the screen like, "You'll never fit your ass into those jeans, honey.")

4. The user should be able to see how each of the pairs of jeans would look on their avatar...including those ugly hip bulges if the jeans are too high, or fabric ready to burst if there's not enough fabric to fit your leg in.

5.  You'll need to have some sort of stretch and drag coefficients for different types of fabrics.

There you go.

No more jeans returned because the thighs are cut the same diameter as the calves.  You'd see it all there ON YOUR BODY.

You can extend it to selecting colors and prints, especially if you entered in your skin tone, eye color, and hair color...and you can even extend the program to include shoes....even shoes on your avatar (do you wear heels or not?)

And, let's not forget, gentlemen, no more ill-fitting lingerie gifts (or carpet sweepers) for Christmas.

Anyway, when you get it up and running, please let me know where it IS running because I want to check it out and buy my dress off website.

I KNOW it will fit when it gets here.

Give Me A Kiss

So, I don't know what it is about my in-laws.

It happened with my first husband's family.

It happens with my current husband's family.

It happened with both sets of paternal grandparents (the divorced/remarried life, you know?)

Heck, it even happened with my elementary school friend's family.

What am I talking about?

Kissing on the lips.

Honestly.  I weirds me out.  How can mothers kiss their children ON THE LIPS!?

I thought, with the frequent number of occurrences in my life, that perhaps it was my family that was weird in NOT kissing on the lips, but kissing on the cheek.

Nope.

I did some digging about kissing customs (which was hard, as you can imagine, since the topic has a tendency to find many sites on, well, adult mating rituals).  But what I found was this:

1. The hand kiss-  men give to ladies as a form of prostration or bowing (sure you've seen this in movies...unless you live in Europe where they actually still have lords and ladies)
2. The "European" kiss-  which (according to the American sites) is three consecutive kisses, alternating between cheeks. (no, just the faces ones)
3. The "Bolivian" kiss-  which (again, according to American sites) is TWO consecutive kisses, one on each FACIAL cheek.

Other kissing customs I found were:

1. Kissing the Blarney Stone (are you shocked that I hung upside own 3 stories up on a slippery castle for the experience of kissing a moldy old brick?)
2. The Wedding Kiss- as in "You may kiss the bride"
3. And then there were the other special occasion kisses, like New Year's Eve and mistletoe...

...but NOWHERE could I find ANYTHING about mothers kissing their children on the lips...and that being OK, much less their daughter-in-law or granddaughters.

So, I guess I just have the luck of weirdness on my side...perhaps I need to start chewing more garlic.

Pucker up

Talking Over Credits

It's been a pet peeve of mine for a long time:

You listen to the radio and the moron hosting the "show" keeps talking over the intro to the song.  And you sit in the car yelling , "Shut up!" to the radio moron.  Of course, they don't. They keep talking right up until the lyrics start.

Is the first part of the song not really part of the song!?   I would hate to see what they would do if they hosted a classical music hour!

Then, TV adopted something similar for rerun, syndated shows:

You're watching the show and as it ends, it is shrunk to 1/2 the screen size, OR LESS, and the new show is shown on the other 1/2 of the screen...OR MORE.

SERIOUSLY!?  Is this Bloomberg TV!?

Then there's the 10x speed PLUS shrinking of the credits for movies.

How can a person read those?!

I've never particularly enjoyed watching the credits, but sometimes you do want to know where something was filmed or what the name of a song was, or you think you recognize the actress but don't remember her name...

SO YOU WAIT FOR THE CREDITS.

Only you can't READ them.

Netflix has recently adopted something similar, so, while I'm watching every episode of Frasier, I have to keep my hand near the remote to re-expand the shrunk credits to watch the rest of the show. (If you've never seen Frasier, you are really missing something. Watch it.  They've got outtakes or vignettes during the credits).  In fact, Netflix has gotten so bad about it, that if you're watching a series, they have this autoplay feature which will start the next show AS THE CREDITS FINISH FOR THE OLD ONE.  So, if you don't re-expand the window, you can't watch the finish the show you're on, because Netflix has already started spooling up the next one in queue.

Honestly, I don't know how they get away with it.  I tried looking up the rules for displaying the credits for shows and movies, but I couldn't find them online.  It just seems that if there is a rule that they need to show the credits at the end of the show, like it seems there IS, then it seems that they're not really honoring the spirit of the law by minimizing them to less than 4 pt font, or speeding them by like tail banner on a supersonic jet...or by cutting them off just to queue up the next episode.

Age Appropriate Toys...

Let me start by saying that I know that I have a smart daughter.

I know that all of you parents out there are saying, "well, I've got a smart kid, too".  And I think that is the point I'd like to make today.

We have the no TV policy or our kid, and we also don't feed her junk food- she doesn't know what a hamburger is, she doesn't know what french fries are, she doesn't know what chocolate is, or ice cream...

I guess she's kind of a hippie's kid. :P

She absolutely LOVES books.  It's her favorite thing to do is to have you read through her entire collection of books (which have been painstakingly chosen, I might add).

But she also has some toys.  One of her favorite toys is a set of plastic nuts and bolts.  I got her this in memory of my granddad- he was fixer.  He loved to fix mechanical things...and then he stored all the extra parts or old parts in little jam jars, which were there in little boxes, which then took over the garage.

So, the nuts and bolts seemed a natural thing to give her.

When I bought, them, though, it said for ages 3+.

I was quite curious as to why....and I still haven't figured it out.  It's literally a jar full of large, colorful plastic nuts and bolts.

At first, I thought that the nuts might be a choking hazard.

But, no, I can't even get one in my mouth- if an adult can't fit one in their mouth, how is it going to be a choking hazard for a smaller child?

Then, I thought, perhaps there are sharp corners that they're worried the kid will get scratched on.

But, no, quite rounded.

The toy is also quite sturdy.

On closer inspection, I find that it's made in Japan, so it's a quality toy.

So, I can't figure out why it has a 3+ rating.  I definitely won't leave her unattended with them because it, but at 14 months, she already figured out how to put the nuts on the bolts and how to screw the nut on...

...and off..

...and on again...
...and off again...

Then then there's the part where she gets to play Eeore and pick up the bolts and put them in the jar...dump them out...and then put them in the jar again....

I think the only complaint I have about this toy is that all the nuts and bolts are different sizes (dimensions), so not all of the nuts and bolts fit together.  There are even different sizes among the same color, so, I think that's kind of the only rotten thing about them.  But it's easy enough to overcome- just set some of them in the jar that you know fit together.

The 80s

My husband and I finally watched Wreck It Ralph yesterday.  It made me all sentimental for the 80s. And the fact that it's graduation time, didn't help.

I was trying to find the name of those charms from the 80s....remember those?  They were small plastic charms of different past-time equipment, like tennis rackets and musical instruments.


I do remember the blender charm (don't know why a blender...for a kids charm bracelet?) and I REALLY remember the little calculator charm.

It looked just like the girl's version of those calculator watches and the buttons worked!  It didn't add, but the buttons worked.

Can you tell I was a nerd?

Well, I was trying to find the actual brand name for those charm bracelets when I came across this site with a bunch of memorabilia from the 80s.

Unfortunately, the person putting together the site is misinformed about the original date of some of these things-

• Skates that attach to your shoes were the first type of skates around.  They were metal and you needed the skate key to get them on and off.
• Playdoh has been around since the 50s (it was originally designed to clean walls; the goo-be-bone of the 50s)
• The View Master was introduced in the 1930s, though the stereoscope design has been around since the mid 1800 (1838, to be exact), which is why Pollyanna is playing with one in the movie.
• Fashion Plates, which I actually owned, came out in 1978...
• Babes in Toyland came out in the 1960s.

In fact, most of the content on the page has its origins in a different decade from the 80s.  But the numerous anachronisms aside, it was still brought back tons of memories seeing the original Trapper Keeper and banana clips.

The sticker earrings, though- I think those can rest peacefully in the past.  Oh, and the nail stickers from Avon.  Ever get one of those accidentally stuck in your hair?  If I'd only known that Playdoh would have gotten it out....

Historical Armpits

I was watching Sommersby the other day.  You know, the love story set in the south post- Civil War era starring Richard Gere and Jodie Foster?  I'm not a fan Civil War era films, so you know it has to be worth seeing if I own it.  It's a big overacted in places, especially for Ms. Foster, but story is good and it's "M" rated.

(Now, "M" rated was for my mother.  It was something that my dad came up with WAYYYY before the video games adopted it and changed it to "M for Mature".    "M Rated" for us means that it was not violent, not gory, not a lot of swearing...a perfect example is The Others....great thriller, but it's all in your head.  And the movies are rare...few writers or directors make movies of that eloquence.)

Anyway....


Something that really bothered me as I watched it and looked at the week's growth of leg hair on my legs (Hey, I'm blonde- we don't need to shave often)  But it occurred to me that as I was watching a scene with Jodie Foster in a corset..that there was no armpit hair.

That got me thinking about other historical period films where the actresses are shaved, but it's not historically accurate.  Shakespeare in Love, Elizabeth, Count of Monte Cristo...the list is quite long.

In fact, all historical films that are not independents have shaved actresses.

You'd think that it would be so easy to be historically accurate here, unlike the tooth hygiene problem, which I can forgive (though I appreciate it more when that black slime is put on their teeth- let's be accurate!).  I mean, underarm hair grows full in after a week or two- and it's easy to remove.  It's not even as hard to get into that part of the character as it is to change the head hair length or color.

I did have to look it up, though.  When did shaving become popular?  Evidently, it was popular in ancient Babylonia, but the practice dropped off in the Middle Ages where hair was seen as erotic.  (I just can't get that- getting turned on by a pile of smelly armpit hair- but I don't think Chaucer would have lied).  But, just as you'd suspect, the practice gained in popularity again when sleeveless, short dresses became the fashion in the 1920s....then, of course, fell out of popularity in the 70s with the hippies...but I think it's full-on popular again.

But, the moral of this story is that if you become a costumer, or a director, or a movie star, remember that women didn't shave in modern history until the 1920s...nothing like getting into character BLECH!

Make Yourself At Home

I recently had a house guest that I told, "Make yourself at home."

Usually, when you say, "make yourself at home", you mean something like, "help yourself to something to drink", or "you know where the bathroom is", that type of thing.

But, I had the most, ahem, interesting experience when I told the guest to "make yourself at home".

I got coffee cups left over several tables...WITHOUT coasters.

I got my daughter's toys left out all over, not put away.

But most interestingly, while I was downstairs slaving away on home repairs, my guest changed the thermostat.

The guest didn't say anything.

The guest didn't ask permission.

The guest just changed it.

For hours, I thought that I was having heat flashes.

Then I checked the thermostat- five degrees higher than expected.

I've NEVER had someone take the liberty of changing my thermostat IN MY HOUSE without asking.

Munchkin Bottle Brushes Frankly Suck

Well, this is a post requested by two of my dearest friends.

It's about our experiences with Munchkin Bottle Brushes.

Model 1: The Bottle & Nipple Brush


Now, I hate kitchen sponges.  I think that they never fully dry and, hence, breed germs.  But, I was gifted with this one, so I went with it.

Why this brush sucks:

1. The little nipple brush has sharp edges where the plastic is molded poorly.
2. If you have large hands, buy something else- my husband can't hold this because it's skinny and short.
3. The idea of having the nipple brush in the handle is great.  However, having to screw and unscrew it EVERY F-ING TIME YOU WASH A BOTTLE GETS A BIT MUCH.
4. The sponge at the top is so fragile that it begins to tear after you insert it into your first bottle.  By the time you've washed bottles for a week, the sponge has completely fallen apart.  I know it's a fact: I bought it a second time, thinking I had done something in error.  

NOPE.

I wasn't wrong the first time.


Model 2:  The Deluxe Bottle Brush



Because we hated the sponge, my husband found this brush.  At first glance, this seems wonderful.  

1. No sponge to rip.
2. The nipple brush doesn't screw in - it's a single, 1/2 twist.

So, when I eagerly ripped open the package to use it and brought it over to the sink....

...you can imagine how absolutely pissed off I was when the F-ING BRUSH DOESN'T FIT IN A STANDARD BOTTLE NECK.

WTF, Munchkin?  Are you absolutely DUMB?  Why on EARTH would you manufacture a bottle brush that doesn't fit in the bottles!?

DO NOT BUY THIS.


Model 3:  The Big Brush


My friend actually has this model, and it's honestly the best model that there is.

1. The nipple brush is easy to remove/replace.
2. The handle is wide enough for anyone to use.
3. The sponge is sturdy.

But, AGAIN, the SPONGE DOESN'T EASILY FIT in the standard bottle.   You have to really force it in the bottle.

Who is designing these things?


Model 4:  The Soap Dispensing Deluxe Bottle Brush



This has to be the LAMEST model of all.

1. It adds soap into what you're washing.  Just what you need:  a baby bottle that you have to make sure you rinse extra because this stupid brush just overloaded it with soap.
2. You end up using 4 times as much soap than if you'd just make a small bucket or sinkful of soapy water.
3. AND, lest we not forget, THE BRUSH DOESN'T FIT IN THE BOTTLES.

So, I guess the whole problem with the over-dispensing of soap is moot.

If you're in the market,  DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BUY A MUNCHKIN BOTTLE BRUSH.

Unless you really that person.

Carpet in Basements

I've been wondering if carpet in basements is really such a good idea.  Yes, the fact that it's a large piece of artificial fur with an insulating cushion under it does help with the cold, but it seems like every basement I've ever been in has a dampness problem.

BECAUSE IT'S A BASEMENT.

It's a big cave in the ground.  It doesn't surprise me that there's moisture that's going to seep in.  It doesn't surprise me that the basement smells like must.

What does surprise me is that the carpeted basements I've owned seem to have a far worse bug problem that uncarpeted basements.

All those nasty creepy crawly, moisture-loving nasty bugs...they always seem to be a problem in a carpeted basement, but I don't see them in uncarpeted basements. I don't even see them in the uncarpeted areas of my own basement.

I'm going to guess here, so don't hold me to this, but carpeting creates an artificial set of ground layers that protects the bugs and allows them to grow.  (This is the part where, thinking about how I'm going to be pulling back the carpet in the basement tomorrow, REALLY grosses me out).  The natural predator of these creepy crawlies is a spider.  But you can't build a great web in carpet- it can't traverse the different layers.  So, carpeting does protect the disgusting invaders from being eaten.

In contrast, hard floors, or no flooring at all, does not provide the same protection.  If you have hardwood or laminate, the bugs can be underneath, but I doubt it.  There's no cushiony growing space.  Hard flooring is usually glued to cemented to the ground.  In addition, spiders have NO problem setting up camp against hard flooring.  (If you doubt me, wait a week and go down and count the spider webs).

So, now that I've reasoned that one out, I kind of wish there was a way to build a cage or containment unit for spiders...keep them on staff, but not around me.

ewh!

The Smell of Media

My husband was telling me about how his younger office friend was asking if he'd seen The Sandlot.  He didn't remember it.  I said I remembered it coming out, but that I didn't see it....because it's a kid's film and I was graduating from high school the year it came out.

Yeah, a little bit of age discrepancy.

I tried to make him feel a bit better by making a quip about how his friend probably didn't remember record players...or the little 33 1/3 adapters....or how to properly drop the needle on the record, because they never really show the proper way to drop the needle in movies.  I guess it's just more dramatic to have someone drop the needle from their hand instead of positioning it and then using the little lever..and then the smell of the vinyl records in the yellowing paper sleeves...

...and then I got to thinking.

I KNOW.

I was thinking about how the new CDs and media- well, they don't have any smell.  They don't have anything memorable.  You'd never hear someone say, "Oh, I remember that first CD I ever got- opening up the case and the smell of plastic hitting me in the face while I nervously pushed a button to open the carousel..."

There's nothing poetic about it.  Nothing particularly memorable there.  CDs don't have a smell. The ink on the printed inserts has a smell, but not the CDs.

I started thinking about how smell is such an important part of memory.  And then I expanded on that and started thinking about how most of our world is now plastic and digital- few people have books (Kindles are removing books from homes at exponential rates)...Where's the sensory experience?  And with smell being such a large part of memory, are we really setting ourselves up for failure just because we can't remember what it smelled like when we Googled the location of Botswana?

Think about the last time you had a meaningful memory with a piece of technology....and then think about how easy it is to recall the first record you ever bought.

I'm really surprised that more studies haven't been done on this.  Smell-o-laptops and sites could be the wave of the future.

Time Travel

 I was just thinking about what it's going to be like taking my daughter on a road trip once she can talk.  I remember being stuck in the backseat of my parents' car with my sister on the way to Grandma's house 4 hours away, fighting with her about being "over the line" in the backseat....and constantly asking, "Are we there yet?"  I was thinking how it's going to be different for my daughter because she's going to be the only one and how many more times she'll be asking, "Are we there yet?" because she doesn't have anyone to fight with over the line in the backseat.

It made me think for a bit:  What is time?  Not the school book definition, but the real functional measurement of time.

It's obviously relative- or at least not constant.

Ever notice how time was very slow when you were a child?  or when you're in a boring meeting?  or standing in line?  And then when you're having fun, time speeds by?

After serious contemplation on the subject, I'd like to propose a non-Newtonian/subatomic + biological reason for this.  I'd like to propose, with no evidence what so ever, that perhaps time is really the movement of subatomic particles within our bodies:  The more active you are, the more the particles move; the less active you are, the less the particles move.

Now, activity can just be growing- it doesn't have to be conscious activity, just changes your body's cells.  When you learn, your neurons in your brain are constantly firing, making connections and assimilating information.  When you grow, the cells in your body are replicating and dividing.  The more frequent these activities, the more we feel that time has passed.  As we age, the growth and replication of cells slows.  We start to feel like time is speeding up.

So, perhaps our perception of time is actually the measurement of the time between cell changes.

The Endless Scroll

Know what that is?  It's this new design where you scroll to the bottom of a page, and just when you think you're at the end, the page RELOADS and you have to scroll some more, only to have the page RELOAD again,

And again,

And again,

And again....

Who thinks this is a good experience?  I'd really love to hear from someone who likes this.  Everyone I talk to HATES this.  I'm in the web design business, and all the business owners I talk to hate this.  

I know I would rather not scroll at all- just put the pages in there!  So do business owners.  I mean, if I'm looking through a long list- say on Netflix- and I am looking for something interesting to watch, I don't want to guess where it was that I saw that movie- Oh, somewhere in the middle of the page-  I want to be able to say, "oh, yeah, right, I think I remember that was on page 3" and there are only 20 items on page 3, so it's easy to remember what it was that I wanted to select.

So, why are there endless scrolling pages?!

Simple:  it's developer-friendly.

Developers don't need to code in the size of the page or have the page resize when the browser is a different dimension.  

Developer's don't need to code in the page navigation rules or buttons.

Developer's don't need to code in cookies for remembering what was on page 3 when you're on page 20.

I think you're getting the picture here.

The only way programming will ever improve is if you tell a company what you  want...or don't want.

Be sure to share your opinion.

Training Shoes

My husband and I got rid of cable over two years ago.

It's amazing that it's been that long!

I realized how much I DO NOT miss broadcast TV...

...or should I say broadcast commercials with program interruptions.

Back when we still watched TV, the ads were for the latest cars, cell phones, and those toning shoes.  EVERY brand seemed to have one.  I remember the women at work all rushing out to buy these butt toning shoes.

They bought Sketchers.

They bought Reebox.

All of them wore them to the office and talked animatedly about how they could "feel" their butts toning.

Now, all of these women were at least 200 lbs.  The idea that their butts would magically get toned from doing nothing more than walk from their desks to the snack counter at work...well, I had a VERY healthy degree of skepticism.

Around this same time, my exercise shoes of the day wore out.

Ever notice how exercise shoes kind of slowly and quietly go to their grave?  Like a TS Eliot poem.

Anyway, I had to go and find new shoes.  It always upsets me when I have to look for a new brand and model of shoe- why can't they just leave the old standards?  Just a few?

Well, when I got to the store, the ONLY training shoes available were those ridiculous light-up shoes and are HUMONGOUS - not really great for aerobics- and all models of the toning shoe.  Since I really needed new shoes, I tried on several of the toning shoes and I finally found one by Avia that had good arch support, but was shockingly light weight.

But I was still skeptical.  Let's face it.  I'm not exactly what you'd call a klutz, but sometimes I am thinking about where I'm moving before the body actually catches up.  The idea of balancing on an uneven shoe kind of made me nervous.

Evidently, I wasn't the only one.  Inside the box, there were INSTRUCTIONS for how to learn to walk in the shoes.  The instructions were items like, "Don't wear these shoes all day", "Not recommended wearing for every day wear", and "Practice wearing these shoes no more than 20 minutes at a time", and "Not recommended for activities other than walking"

It was the first time I'd ever seen instructions on my shoes before.

Well, I decided to get them.

And I loved them.

It was a challenge at first, but I gradually got used to the fact that my normal stance was slightly pronating (like your arches of the feet trying to touch the floor), but I wasn't surprised, since ballet has a tendency to teach legs and feet to pronate.

Did they tone my butt?  No, but I think that aligning my legs correctly makes the exercise more efficient...and visible.

well, it's time to replace those shoes now.  They're still in great condition on the outside, but the lining has holes- you know, that kind of thing.

But when I went to shop for more, I couldn't find any!

I couldn't find any online, either.

What I did find was a series of lawsuits against Sketchers and Reebox for false advertising and strained ankles.  What really pissed me off was the description of how these women sprained their ankles: wearing the shoes all day or standing up incorrectly after sitting all day.  I'm just guessing but I'm going to bet that there was a little brochure with their shoes, too, that they didn't read.

But evidently, the class action law suits for false advertising won and, thus, I can't find the toning shoes any more.

It's a real shame, too, because the articles about the lawsuits clearly say that the real power of the shoes was correcting mild pronation...sigh.

The stupid people ruin everything.

Vents on Top

A friend of mine is building a house right now and the builder is putting the vents in all the wrong places.  You'd think that the foreperson would be, I dunno, reading the BLUEPRINTS! She plays the piano and has all sort of large furniture that each room was designed to accommodate.  But the builders took the big open walls as a sign of absence and decided to move all the vents to middle of these walls.

sigh

I can't say that I've EVER heard of a good building experience, and this one is slowly joining the pack in disappointments.

But it did get me thinking- it wasn't really much of a problem when I lived in California.  I never heard of vents being in the way.

Why was that?

Then I remembered...

RIGHT!  the vents are usually in the ceiling or behind doors on the walls.

In Minnesota, though, the vents are all in the floors or below windows.

Hmm, interesting.

But I suppose it makes sense:  in California, you mostly use the air conditioner, so you want the cold air to fall into the room- if it started on the floor, you'd never cool the room.

And, similarly, in Minnesota, you mostly use the heat...so, you want the heat to rise into the room...if it started on the ceiling, you'd only heat the top floor and attic.

I would never have thought that architects and builders were thinking that far ahead...particularly with the slip-shod way they seem to build houses.

Of course, you also don't have basements in California (usually)...people tend to get trapped underground when the earthquake hits.  I have found, though, that most of the newer homes in Minnesota are not being built with tornado-safe basements- they're all walk-out style, with windows all along the sides and a sliding door.

So, basements are more of a status symbol now...or an extra set of rooms.

But they're always cold....probably because you can't really sink duct work into the foundation to make the vents come out of the floor...

so the room is always cold.

Serving Size

I've shared my passionate opinion about the Fisher Price Teapot before.  This is but an additional rant about the product design.


The set comes with the teapot, two cups, a plastic doily, and three "tea cakes".  One of the songs that the teapot sings is about how there are "...two little tea cups, one for you and me, and three tasty treats, just enough to share..."

I ask you:

How do you split three tea cakes between two people?   Especially CHILDREN.  It's not like you can split the plastic in half.

Absolutely ridiculous.

The worst part is that the math lesson seems to be spreading to manufacturers of foods...or perhaps it's the other way around... hmm

Take for example these Shelly Senbei.

Wait, I should explain. Senbei are Japanese-style rice crackers that are salty on one side and sweet on the other.  Freakin' awesome!  They come in several shapes and sizes and many different brands.

So, the brand we're talking about today is the Shelly brand.


While waiting for the baby bottles to finish sterilizing, I happen to be reaching for one of these and, since I had all of 5 minutes on my hands, I decided to read the nutritional information.

Serving Size:  5 crackers.

Uhm, they come in packages of two crackers....

so, you need to open 2.5 packages to reach the full serving size.

Now, I think that this is a tad illegal.  I remember when Weight Watchers was packaging their diet cookies as only have 50 calories each or something like that...and the serving size was 1/2 a cookie.  Remember that?  I think it was back in the late 90s.  The FDA put a stop to that- nutritional information cannot be for part of a unit.

Wouldn't that apply here?

Perhaps the makers of these crackers are related to the Fisher Price teapot designers...because neither can divide well.

The Perfect House

I dreamed of the perfect house
Where the neighbors were quiet as a mouse
And there were no airplanes overhead
To scare me from my sleep in bed
A perfect bathroom all my own
So I don't need to share that private throne
You'll find a vanity with two sinks
And a place for the catbox (it really stinks)
All my art fits on the wall
And my daughter has room to crawl
My husband's clutter was hidden away
Behind a door that was closed each day
The kitchen had two microwaves
And every appliance energy saves
A real pantry and storage space
So all our stuff fits without a brace
Both our cars and workshop fit
In a garage that's heated and lit
Let's not forget a potting room
With kiln and clay and dusting broom
A little garden with grass and a porch
Banishing mosquitoes with a Tiki torch
Lots of birds and animals, too
Like our own little backyard zoo

And now I wish and hope and pray
That I can find it soon some day.

Spyberries

You know how in spy and espionage movies, the stars always get these cool gadgets that come in little boxes with foam perfecting cut for the gadget?

Well, I got an order from Harry and David today- strawberries.  My husband had purchased the Fruit of the Month club membership for me/us for my birthday.

Now, I know you're all shocked that me, who is more of a dairy girl and fresh fruits and vegetables, would like a Fruit of the Month club membership.  Let me say that Harry and David do provide the best fruit I've ever had besides going to the road-side stands in California and getting a flat fresh from the farm.

But, the strawberries.  So, we were told we'd be getting some strawberries for May.

And that seems like a good time because May was always the first strawberry harvest in Fresno- just in time for Mother's Day.

So, when we got the box in the mail and I saw that they were from California, I was reminiscing about the strawberry pizzas and strawberry shortcake that we used to make for Mother's Day...and how that might be nice to do this year....

...and then I saw that there were, quite literally, 20 strawberries in the box.

Each of the strawberries is quite large, palm-sized as a matter of fact, but I really wasn't expecting to have a shipment of strawberries show up with each strawberry nestled in high-tech foam...INDIVIDUALLY.

I had to check to make sure that they were actually strawberries and not high tech spy equipment

(queue the music)

Sesame Street Books With Questionable Lessons

I've already talked about how Elmo is banned my house because of poor grammar, so my feelings about the book entitled Good Job, Abby, staring Elmo and Abby, shouldn't be a surprise.

But what made me really sad was reading the other Sesame Street foam books. 

The first is Love Means..., again starring Elmo.  I had high hopes for this one since he doesn't actually have any dialog in the book.  The book walks the child through how love means taking care of pets, and helping others...

...and then falls flat when the moral page (e.g. the last page) says that love is when you are loved in return.

Uhm, WHAT!?  

What a crappy thing to say!  I compare it to the book I Love You Because You're You where the mommy and toddler go through different situations and the mommy still loves the toddler.  Granted, the book as another problem of being parent-specific (I would rather it have talked about BOTH parents) but it's still a good book for your children with lots of emotion descriptions.

So, the last foam book that I'm reviewing from Sesame Street is Ernie's Cheerful Smile.   I really though this one would be good since it's starring an ORIGINAL Sesame Street character.  

sigh

The story walks through how Ernie is cheery in all types of situations- finds the silver lining- while Bert is miserable.  And then you get to the moral page where Bert is finally happy!  

Guess why!

Because he beat Ernie at a board game.

WTF!?  What are these books teaching children?!  Who is approving these stories with crappy morals about loving is really when you get loved back and you can really be happy when you beat someone else.

What's sad is that parents and grandparents buy these books for children without really READING them first, which only emphasizes the morals (oh, this is ok to do because Grandma gave it to me- it's how she wants me to think).

Be attentive parents- don't buy Sesame Street foam books.

Educators Against Elmo

I'm thinking of starting a club.  I started thinking I'd call it "Mothers Against Elmo", but that didn't include the dads.  So, then I thought "Parents Against Elmo", but that left out other educators and people in children's lives.

So, I think I'm going to call it "Educators Against Elmo".

Why should I despise Elmo so much?

Yes, Elmo.



Well!

I guess it started during the Tickle Me Elmo era.  Something that iconic and "must have" isn't a good thing- ever.  Now, Elmo's a big star.  He's got his own show separate from Sesame Street.

Only Kermit has been able to achieve that standing with the Muppet Show, I don't think that Grover-killing Elmo really fits the bill.  (Yes, Elmo killed Grover- does anyone even remember lovable Grover? The blue monster who sounded a lot like Fozzy Bear?)  Well, this isn't an issue yet, because we don't let our daughter watch TV.

But I think that the deciding factor for hating Elmo came after my daughter received a couple of books from my in-laws starring Elmo.  My little bookworm made us read them to her immediately....

...and me was appalled by what me readed in the grammar.

HOW CAN AN EDUCATIONAL ICON LIKE ELMO HAVE GRAMMAR LIKE RIDICULED JAR-JAR BINKS?

The book was only distilling a couple of examples of how Elmo speaks, but I realized when I read it to my daughter that it IS how Elmo ALWAYS speaks.  Cookie Monster had poor grammar, as well, but he was not on all the time and everyone KNEW that he was "dumb".  How can we continue to let our children watch "educational" programming and read "educational" books that are TEACHING THEM THE WRONG THINGS!?!

And THAT is what made me come up with the idea for Educators Against Elmo.

...and we're donating the books.

Coasters and Glade

I was raise with coasters.

I was raised that if you set that drink on the table without a coaster, you'd risk the Wrath of Mom.  Very, very bad.  And if you made a mark on a table because you didn't use a coaster, you should pray for a quick death.

So, naturally, I have coasters in my own house (though right now, most of the tables are put away because I've got a toddler and don't want to have broken furniture or faces)

ANYWAAYY, the coaster.

I've been to other people's house's and some do and don't have coasters.  When they do have coasters, I know I should use one and with the houses that don't, I feel strange about setting my glass down and end up holding it most of the time.

What I don't understand is why, when you provide coasters to guests in stack on the table, IN PLAIN VIEW, why they would even think to set a drink anywhere without one.

I used to say something to these guests like, "Can you use a coaster, please?" but that (strangely) felt awkward to ask someone to obey the rules of my house.  Since then, I've just taken to bringing a coaster to the glass, picking it up, and showing the guest how a coaster works.  It saves the embarrassment of me having to ask and most of the time, the guest says, "Ah, thanks"...

...though I've had to come and reset glasses that are set down NEXT to coasters, a situation that boggles my mind about as much as trying to describe the size of the universe.

But as irritating as it is to have the coasters game, it is even MORE irritating when guests don't use the air freshener provided for their use in the bathroom.  Since I don't currently have my own, private master bath (fingers crossed for the next house), I have to walk into the bathroom, after my guests, and experience the side effects of their activities in said room.  It's not that I don't understand body functions- heck, biologist, remember?

But if you have enough time in said room to sing a song, then you have enough time to use that can of Glade kindly provided for your use on the back of the toilet.

Boing, Boing

I've complained earlier about the new See n' Say toy. 

While tempted, I won't repeat the tirade.

However, this week, my daughter saw a bunny outside in the grass.  When we went to play with the See n' Say, she pointed to the bunny and then pointed outside.  (Freakin' Amazing for 14 months!)

"Yes, a bunny!"

But when we spun the wheel, the toy said, "The bunny says, 'Boing, Boing'."

Now, I'm not a expert in forest mammology, HOWEVER, I'm PRETTY FREAKIN' SURE THAT BUNNIES DON'T SAY "BOING, BOING".

They don't even make a noise that sounds like "Boing, Boing".

But when I went to tell my daughter what sound a bunny did make, I realized that I didn't know.  I knew that, being a prey animal, they're generally quiet.  But I was pretty sure that a bunny, being a mammal, did make SOME noise, though..

Naturally, the internet to the rescue.

Turns out that they make few distinct vocalizations:  

1. Grunts (which sound like pigs snorting), 
2. Honking (which is the sound in the Cadbury Egg commercials- I always thought that they made that up!)
3. "Purrs" (which is when they chatter their teeth when they're happy- it sounds like a turtle dove), 
4. Hissing (if you have a cat, you know this whole open-mouthed expression of attack.  I couldn't find a good video)
5. Shrieking (like a pig- it sounds like a stuck pig)

Now, I can see why See n' Say was confused about what sound to put down for a bunny.  They make sounds like sound A LOT like pigs, chickens, and birds.

But then my question back to Fisher Price is this:  

WHY DID YOU EVEN PUT THE ANIMAL IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!?  

It's quickly becoming one of the WORST toys I've ever purchased.

Snow

So, what is it with climatologists?

Those are supposed to be the weathermen.   They guys that can read the clouds an the wave patterns and tell us what the weather is going to be like TOMORROW.  Now, I know that the guys on the news and in the newspapers generally suck at predicting the weather, which is why my husband and I like to use the National Weather Service.

Not weather.com- that's the Weather Channel.

We're talking about the group of scientists that have devoted their lives to STUDYING the weather.

But I honestly don't know what they were smoking lately.

They predicted 3-7 inches of snow for Minneapolis last night.  On MAY DAY!

100% chance of heavy snow, it said.

My husband and I made plans for the digging out of vehicles and the working from home scenarios.  In other words, a snow day, because we knew that the cities wouldn't plow out from that this late in the year.

Since I'm still breastfeeding, I was up at 1 am.  I looked outside.

How much snow did I see?

NONE

No precipitation AT ALL.

I went back to bed.

I got up at 4 am.  I looked outside.

How much snow did I see?

NONE

No precipitation AT ALL.

I went back to bed.

I got up at 6 am.  I looked outside.

How much snow did I see?

Yeah, you kind of know by now:  NONE.  The streets are completely dry.

Now, government jokes aside, generally the scientific communities are correct- the site, until recently was www.noaa.org.  How can a group of highly intelligent scientists make such a LARGE misprediction with 100% confidence?

Guess I should go back to reading the wave patterns like my 4th grade teacher (Mr C, rest in peace) taught me...or reading the fuzzy caterpillar stripes like the Farmer's Almanac does.  It's a lot more predictable than what the scientists are giving us.

What's In A Name?

I grew up in California.

California is the epitome of the "melting pot" of America- it gets immigrants from ALL over, either because it's got a huge coastline, or there's the most popular draw....

Hollywood.

But regardless of the reason, I started learning about "diversity" (aka "life") as a kid.  I remember this one exotic girl in my kindergarten class:  Gina.  She had long black hair and tanned skin.  I can't remember now if she was Italian or Pacific Islander.  But she was exotic.

I became so used to different people around me, that it really didn't matter who was in my class: Nuygens and Tchangs and Gonzales and Thompson.  It was just who was in my class.

And you were expected to learn how to say everyone's name correctly.  It must have been just as hard for some Asians to pronounce "Lisa" as it was for me to pronounce Tsuchiguchi (though now that I know the Japanese alphabet, I can spell it correctly on the first try!)

But then I moved to Minnesota.

A.k.a "The great white north".

And they're not referring to the snow.

In Minnesota, the Asians (well, specifically the Chinese) find American names for themselves.
I first encountered this sad custom when I was working as a scientist.  My friend in the lab was advised to do this by the Chinese consulate, believe it or not, and she and her whole family were trying to find names for themselves that meant something similar to their Chinese names.

Of course, that would be a failure from the get-go.

Turns out that Chinese names, at least traditionally, incorporate all aspects of the family:

Family Name, Generation Name, Personal Name

How cool is that?!

So, everyone in the generation might be Xiao+ some other name.

I guess there is something of a similar tradition in America- some families start all of the generation's names with the same letter....but it's not a predictable custom.

I found this an exciting custom and I didn't understand why they would want to throw away their culture.  They told me that the consulate said that Chinese names were too hard for Americans to pronounce.  That made me really sad.

In a land that is supposed to be such a melting pot, it doesn't seem really "melty" to throw away your NAME just because someone needs to be taught how to say it properly.  It seems that when we have something to learn from each other, we open barriers of communication and get past a lot of the suspicion and uncertainty that keeps this nation from truly being a great melting pot.