Boss-Speak

When I was a girl, I was a nerd.

I sat in the front of every class- front AND center.

I absolutely STROVE to catch the admiration of the teacher.

This, as it seems, is yet another way the educational system has led me astray.

It turns out, NO ONE in business wants to give you any admiration, ESPECIALLY your boss. The best you can hope for is being "useful" to your boss- "useful" people who don't rock the boat maintain their jobs.

It's sad, isn't it?  But there's no job out there for boat rockers...(unless you have a fortune hidden somewhere).

It actually took me until just recently to figure this out, too. Even through getting laid off because of "personality conflicts", I didn't see (or refused to admit) the obvious truth:


No one WANTS a know-it-all....

...you just need to show them how much they NEED a know-it-all.

And the person that you really want to secure is on your side is not the boss, but the boss' best friend.  In IT, this is usually the mouth piece or the Architect.  Either way, you want them on your side.  I actually managed to get one of them on my side once, and he's the one that told me about the tallest blade of grass getting whacked first...and how you NEVER volunteer.  Now, he was an ex-navy soldier, but I watched and found out that he was pretty much right.

And as I sat back and watched, I heard more about the boss was ACTUALLY saying.

For example:

"What do you think about having a new team meeting first thing Monday mornings?"

S/he isn't actually wanting the truth AT ALL.  What they are saying is:

"We're going to have a new team meeting first thing Monday mornings.  Be excited."

And when s/he says:
"I'll take a look at it."

What they mean is:
"I'll get someone smart that I trust to look at it and tell me what it means."

But the best one I just "heard" through the lines was this one:
"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Really means:
"Stop complaining.  I don't want to hear about this again...or I'll give you something to complain about."