Le Leche League Myths

Yup, this is a biological argument against some of the breastfeeding myths that Le Leche League publishes and perpetuates with women world wide.

1. Breastfeeding keeps your period away.

This is completely false.  My period started immediately after giving birth and continues every month regardless of the feeding schedule I keep with my baby.  (and just for the record, I pump or breastfeed for 20 minutes 10-12 times a day.)  I confirmed this with several OB/GYNs in the local medical system- the two are completely unrelated.  I was really pissed off when this turned out to be the case- I REALLY don't like getting my period but because of a history of high blood pressure, I can't take birth control to turn it off.  GRRRRRRRRRR.

Ding one for LLL.

2.  You'll keep all that glorious hair that you grew during your pregnancy as long as you're breastfeeding.

Again, completely false.  The hormones that create the extra hair and longer nails during pregnancy are a biological reaction designed to make you look bigger and meaner during your pregnancy, so as to keep other animals away from you.  (yeah...like you need that with the mood swings, but that's the point of it.)  Those hormones stay around in your body long enough for you to protect your young, immobile animal after birth.  But regardless of whether or not you're breastfeeding, your hair will suddenly fall out in clumps around 6 months after birth.  Same with the nails- those glorious hard nails that you developed will all crack and peel back to their original, pre-pregnancy appearance around 6 months post-partum.

Ding two for LLL.

3.  Your baby won't be ready to wean until 18 months.

Completely wrong.  After speaking with a couple of lactation consultants and several mothers that breastfeed, your child may decide to stop breastfeeding at any time.  My (and several other lactation nurses I spoke to) weaned herself at 9 months on the nose.  I still pump months later, but she won't take the boob anymore.  And that's normal.

Ding three for LLL.

4. Le Leche League states that you have the right to breastfeed your child, and should do so, until the age of 5 or 6.

This is wrong.  The US government has a law that you are only guaranteed the right to breastfeed your baby for 1 year after birth.  Other states, like Colorado, may extend this time period, but not shorten it.  You probably weren't aware of this.  But it does seem strange the there is so much controversy over a woman's right to choose whether or not to have the kid, but there is NO controversy over a woman's right to breastfeed her child for as along as she likes.  True, you won't be thrown in jail for breastfeeding (well, at least not in some states), but you can be fired after 1 year for breastfeeding at work.

Go freakin' figure.

5.  As long as you keep up with the breastfeeding, you'll always produce enough milk for your baby.

Sorry, completely WRONG.  Stress, decreased caloric intake, decreased fluid intake, and an increase in activity all lead to decreased milk production.  This is in addition to the little revealed fact that you just generally don't produce as much milk as time goes on as you did in the first 6 months of your child's life.  I find it interesting that this is a hidden fact by LLL because even dairy farmers know this is true and have their dairy cattle in different groups based on time post-partum.  (yeah, don't ask me to go into detail on how they take care of that).

So, in continuing with the theme of this blog, if it sounds too good to be true, it IS.  That's not to say that LLL is completely bad- they can help you with questions about HOW to breastfeed, but, then, so can any lactation nurse with your health system.

Another Company to Avoid

So, my daughter is currently eating baby food.

In other words, purees. 

Purees aren't just from Gerber anymore.  There are three other companies that are major competitors with Gerber now:

1. Happy Tot
2. Ella's
3. Plum Organics

I like the idea of purchasing "organic" food for my daughter, though it is worth mentioning that "organic" doesn't necessarily mean that it's pesticide and hormone free...the FDA has a wider definition that that.

Anyway, I like the idea of organic.  And on top of that, I like the idea of having foods that are already gluten-free for my daughter, because I'm pretty sure that she's got gluten intolerance.

So, in my first time through the baby food aisle, I was depressed to see that these wonderful new products are mostly mixed products; you can't just buy "pears" or "yams" or "squash" like you can in Gerber.  I did finally find some Happy Tot single-food items online, but you have to be willing to purchase by the case...and hopefully, you kid likes it.  Then, you better hope your kid doesn't sprout an allergy to something in there because you'll have a heck of a time tracking down what it is that he/she is allergic to.

Under the circumstances, I did the best I could:  I bought Gerber single- foods that I could find, then I bought only the other brands that had one other food than what she'd tried before.  I figured that I could at least narrow down any allergic reactions that way.  One of the products I tried- well, my daughter tried- was Plum Organic's Broccoli Apple.

When I got it home and opened it, the product was brown inside- not a good color tan, but rotten brown and smelled rotten, too.

  

I contacted the company and they seemed all apologetic and they said that they would send out a couple of replacements.

That was the first week in December.  

After contacting them twice more about the same problem, I have yet to receive anything and it's almost March.

I have enlisted the assistance of the Better Business Bureau to help motivate the company to send replacements for their rotten food.  What disgusts me (besides the smell of that rotten broccoli) is that the company had a report of rotten food and has not seemed concerned by this problem in the slightest.

So, my advice to you:  A company that doesn't care about a report of rotten food from one customer is putting my baby and your baby at risk, so consume under your own risk.

When You REALLY Wish You Hadn't Invited....

We have friends that we've been friends with for years.   They live on the other side of the Twin Cities, which is to say they live about 30-45 minutes away...or more (depending on traffic and snow, obviously) .  They live down the street from former coworkers of my husband.  They really like card and board games - "positive win" games like Bohnanza, Dominion, and the like.

Generally, we've really enjoyed their company.  Kind of nerdy, mousy, quiet, smart types.  Glasses.  You know the type.

Anyway, they had a kid first in the group of friends.  A little girl.

And I guess that was the start of everything downhill for our friendship.

To summarize the situation, let's say that we differ greatly in our parenting styles.

My husband would be the first to deny that we live a very strict set of rules and guidelines...but when compared to these "friends", he's the first to want them out of the house and want stop the friendship.

Take for example, my daughter's first birthday party.

1. They didn't RSVP.
2. They show up and smell like they've been working in the yard for an hour.
3. They immediately tell us that their daughter needs a nap and where would we like to put her (uhm, how about in her room at your house.  How rude to show up and demand a napping place for a child!  If she's that tired, DON'T BRING HER.
4. Once she sees all of our daughter's toys, she starts grabbing them off of shelves and even out of our daughter's hands!  Perhaps this is a familial thing, but I was brought up that you don't touch things in other people's houses.  You come in, sit, and have manners.  You don't jump around like a hooligan pulling toys out of the birthday girl's hand or running off with her presents.  Luckily, we had the foresight to remove all non-washable items and hide anything that was special before this brat showed up.
5. When you're in a house and there's a closed door, you:
1. Leave it closed
2. Open it and peek
3. Open it and then go and play with the toys in that room.  I think you know that there's only one right answer. 

Now, in all of this, I blame the parents.  The kid is pretty much carte blanc- they behave how they're raised...for the most part.  So, the several times that thing brat is jumping up and down on my yoga ball or running around stealing toys...where were the parents!?

Yeah, it was up to me, the host and mother of the BIRTHDAY GIRL to say something.

Now, my mother was quite wise.  Whenever we went anywhere as children, we had our little traveling toy box- something to keep us occupied while the adults visited.  Heck, I still bring my knitting or cross stitch to parties in case of boredom.   Anyway, I've noticed that good, attentive parents do this.  

Want to guess how many toys this child had with her?  

Yeah, none.

All I can say is that the rudeness and the invasion of privacy- to go into my closed master bedroom and play in there WITH HER MOTHER- well, they won't be attending any more events at the Irish house.  

It just made me so sad that I had to give my daughter that experience for her first birthday.  

Latest Scam From CitiMortgage

The HARP Program (Home Affordability Refinance Program)

This is a scam program from CitiMortgage.  What I found so interesting is that they send you this formal looking offer letter showing how you can decrease your payments.  The last page shows that this special offer for you has no closing costs and is the going market interest rate (at the time, a shocking 3.25%).

I called about this program to find out whether or not there was any mandatory mortgage holding time (so, whether or not I'd have to hold the mortgage for a certain number of months).  The agent on the line refused to answer the question but wanted to get me invested in my time before "transferring me to a mortgage consultant who can answer those questions for you."

This is a not a mortgage-specific program.  This is "Do I need to hold the mortgage for a certain number of months for this offer to apply?"

Still she refused to answer.

But I decided to get to the mortgage consultant step to see if I could get my question answered.

The whole process took 10 minutes on the phone with the agent- her asking me a bunch of "qualifying questions".  I believe that the whole thing is set up so that they keep asking you questions until they get to one that you answer the wrong way on.  Mine was "Has there been any change in Title since the last mortgage?"

I had gotten married and my last name changed.

They considered that a Title change, even though I wasn't changing ownership.

What makes this a huge scam is that I had just had the name on the mortgage changed three months ago- same company.  It's not like they didn't know that my name had changed.

So, the sinker comes in when they finally reach a question to which you answer incorrectly.  There's a period of silence and they come back and tell you that you are not qualified for this program, but there are several other refinancing offers for which you are qualified, though you'd have to pay the closing costs.

Uhm.....

No thanks.

Do NOT bother calling on this scam.  It's just a waste of your time.

Sonya Lee

Well I guess I wasn't the only one that mentioned the lack of a female presence in their farmer toys because they have an add-on "kit" that has another cow, another tractor, and a female farmer.

What I find unfortunate is the following:

The add-on kit costs $15, which is 1/2 the price of the whole barn to begin with.
The add-on kit has two of the same items as the original- a cow and a tractor.  The cow is slightly different shaped and is white instead of brown- ooo.  And the tractor is green and yellow instead of yellow and green.
Lastly, the farmer is in pink.
o_O

I asked my mother-in-law who was a farm girl (Minnesota dairy) how many times she wore pink on the farm.

She said none.  Nor did her father ever wear overalls.

Hmm

Good "research" there, FP. And thanks for perpetuating the myth that girls only like pink.

Apocalyptic Plot Holes

I just finished re-watching the new Battlestar Galactica.  My opinion is pretty much the same the second time watching it as the first:

Two seasons of sci-fi, two seasons of TV drama.  

It's sad that such a great premise and story couldn't find enough content for more than two seasons of sci-fi episodes, particularly when you consider programs like Star Trek and Eureka managed to eek out at least 5 solidly sci-fi seasons before ending the show.

It's nothing like the original, but it had so much potential and they threw it all away in the second 1/2 of the program, particuarly the crummy 3-part ending that didn't really resolve the sci-fi plot lines.

Setting that aside, I find a couple of things glaringly incorrect about this apocalyptic show:

1. They went looking for bullets at the beginning of the show, but then they suddenly had plenty.  Where did those come from?
2. There was an early comment made by the President about only have three outfits.  But later on, you see other people in brand new suits and even the president in new clothes.  Where did those come from?  I mean, I understand that people could be a loom or knit or crochet on a ship, but where do the rough materials come from?  I don't think they have any sheep for wool suits.  I don't think that they have any silk worms for making silk scarves.
3. When people die, they lay these flag-like shrouds over the bodies.  Where do those come from?  Gruesome as it might seem, I understand if the military personnel are given their own death shroud when they join on, but what about the civies?
4. Why aren't bodies stripped of their belongings before throwing them out to space?  If it's the apocalypse and there's no rubber factory to make boots, wouldn't you scavenge what you could?
5. Paper- ok, paper is very easy to recycle.  HOWEVER, the quality of the paper would be very difficult to maintain, but you never see this as a problem in these shows.
6. Most obvious of all, there is no sound in space.  It's something that the new Star Trek movie got right- first sci-fi program yet to get it right.  Space is a vacuum. Sound does not travel in a vacuum.

Alas, it's all in the details.  I don't know why they pick and choose which details to focus on.

Still, with all of these glaring issues AND the poor acting characteristic of a serial TV drama, I still got the blues when I finished watching the show.

Naked Truth About Chocolatier

Warning:  This is a complaint blog.

Don't bother getting Godiva chocolates.



My husband decided to splurge and get me some for Valentine's Day.

I HATE chocolate flavored chocolates.

I don't know where it comes from.  I think some level of toxicity from eating too many M&Ms while selling them for the band fundraiser during high school.  But for whatever reason, I'm one of those weird people who just doesn't like chocolate.

I do like white chocolate, however, which really isn't chocolate at all.  It's cocoa butter and vanilla-flavored candy.

So, my husband, knowing my absolute disdain for chocolate truffles, specifically asked the cashier/shop worker (what do you call them?) for white chocolate only.  He was directed to the following:

1. White Chocolate Genache- pure white chocolate and vanilla beans.  Absolutely delicious.
2. Tiramisu- has some small amount of chocolate, but mostly it tastes like coffee and marscapone cheese.  Yum.
3. Creme Brule- this one was a pure chocolate truffle inside.

o_O

So, I don't know how many of you have had creme brule, but it's a VANILLA custard with burn sugar on top.  There's NO chocolate in it at all.  The truffle was so terrible that I spit it out.

When I wrote to customer service to complain, they said that I needed to return the chocolates to the store.

Uhm, couple of problems with that!

1. What do I do with the one I already ate?
2. What are _YOU_ going to do with the ones I return?  You can't resell them- it's a health code violation!

When I responded with this feedback to customer service, they changed their reply to, "Sorry, you need to take this up with the store manager."  When I wrote back and asked again, I got no reply.

So, Godiva Chocolatier- never going to purchase your chocolates again.  Great company- refuses to back their product when there's a problem.   I honestly wonder what they would have said if I would have gotten one that I was allergic to...

...probably nothing different.

Ensuring Aim

For the most part, I find products from One Step Ahead to be overpriced and suffering from poor reviews.

But this is a great product:




Sure beats trying to dangle your peeing toddler over a public toilet.  I do find it ironic that they show a little boy in this picture because, let's face it, there's an anatomical difference in the difficulty level of aiming between boys and girls.

As for the product, they do sell similar products on Amazon, but I'm losing my love of Amazon since they have started charging tax and have rotten shipping policies.

Babybugs

My daughter received this subscription to Babybug as a gift.

Babybug is a little Reader's Digest-type magazine for babies.  The idea is cute.  A little magazine for your toddler just as they're wanting to be like Mommy and Daddy.

But the content is TERRIBLE.

First off, most of the "stories" make NO SENSE AT ALL.  Here's an example:

"Friends"

Thump, Thump, Squeak, Squeak,

All through the house
Thump, Thump, Squeak, Squeak,
Elephant and mouse

Next, the illustrations are SO stylized that it's difficult for me to make out what the graphics are supposed to be.  I can't believe that it's easy for my baby who is trying to learn how to identify objects.


And then there's the highlighted serial story:  Kim and Carrots.

Well, believe it or not, Carrots is the name of the bunny.

I think that this type of naming scheme is a terrible idea.  Carrots are a vegetable that rabbits eat.  What a great way to confuse the child by naming the animal after the food it eats.

Don't get me wrong- this is not the only book to make this error.  The Biscuit books suffer from the same problem, though they are easy to read, easy to understand the illustrations, and  generally have good story lines.

And you get all of these wonderful experiences in 9 difficult to understand issues for $55.95/year.

I think that the only reason that it has won any awards is that it's the only magazine for the age range.  I can't wait until my daughter is old enough for Zoobooks or Highlights, which are actually quality serials.

At least she enjoys crumpling the pages of Babybug.  That's all the interest she seems to show in it.

Authentic

So, I recently purchased a bag of Chi-Chi's Tortilla Chips.  They're not bad.  They're not great, but compared to the other bagged chips, they're decent.

While I was making nachos and waiting for the cheese to melt, I read the side of the bag where it said, "Chi-Chi's Authentic Tortilla Chips".

Hmm

Authentic?

What did they mean by that, I wondered...It didn't seem to make sense to me at all.

I decided to look up the definition of authentic, to see if there was some different definition that I wasn't aware of...

au·then·tic  

/ôˈTHentik/

Adjective Of undisputed origin; genuine: "authentic 14th-century furniture". Made or done in the traditional or original way: "authentic Italian meals".

Synonyms genuine - true - real - veritable - original

Hmmm

So, "Genuine Tortilla Chips"- that doesn't make sense at all.  What could be genuine about the chips?  I don't think that they lie.

"True Tortilla Chips"- uhm, pretty much the same issue.  I've never heard of a lying chip .  

"Real Tortilla Chips"-What else could they be besides tortilla chips?

"Veritable Tortilla Chips"- This was is hilarious.  Images of ferocious tortilla chips standing up, "No, I WON'T be dipped into that salsa!"

"Original Tortilla Chips"- I really don't think that Chi-Chi's has the original tortilla chip recipe.  Especially when one of the ingredients is "Soybean Oil".  Honestly, I think that the first tortilla chips were probably fried in manteca (aka lard, beef or pork fat).

My husband was amused at my postulations, throwing out the suggestion that "authentic" meant "Same as the chips in the Chi-chi's restaurants".

I guess I would be ok with that reason.

Still the veritable tortilla chip was more amusing to think about.

Exit Interviews

What's the point of the exit interview?

I know that it's supposed to be time to air your grievances   As a woman in my 20s, I was naive enough to think it actually mattered and I told them exactly what I thought.

I actually thought that what I said mattered somehow- that it would make things better for the people I was leaving behind.

Reports from those people I did leave behind indicated that nothing ever changed.  And I've never returned to any of those companies, either.

Which makes me question what actually is the point of these meetings?

Who is dumb enough to actually tell the truth and completely ruin any good reputation you have at the company?

First Time For Everything

So....

Ever had a Saturday interview?  For a professional position?

I have to say, this was a first.  I wouldn't even have been checking my email on a Saturday except that I was expecting an email from another job for which I applied to send me a writing test.

(yeah, a writing testing.  Uhm......)

So, I get the interview request at 9:30am and then I have an interview at 1:30...with the actual hiring manager AND owner of the company.

Guess it went pretty well because he asked for my references.

But it was definitely a first.

Restaurant High Chairs

My mother and father in-law took us out to lunch the other day.  It was the first time taking my daughter to a restaurant.  Now, I've seen and even helped out my friends who bring their babies to lunches- it's mostly about trying to get the baby to eat something without making a mess or throwing things- the mom really doesn't get to enjoy the lunch at all.


I'd say that was pretty much the case here.

While my daughter was excellent and was more intrigued about being out in public than feeling a need to get into mischief, I spent the whole time with my foot stomped against the high chair and my leg wrapped through the leg of it.

Why?

Because my tiny daughter at 20 lbs was able to rock it back and forth.

Very scary.  We had our cart cover over the majority of the high chair, which was good because we have a buckle on the cart cover- there was none on the high chair AT ALL.  The high chair was just one of these wooden frames that look like something out of the Modern Art movement and anything but safe as a high chair.

1. Wood
2. No feet, but two wooden loops for "legs and feet".
3. Low backed
4. Low front
5. No table top in front of it.

This all struck me as completely insane- why would anyone want to put their kid in there.  Yet, I tried it anyway.

And every time a person walked past, I kept wondering, "Hm, you know, babies are clumsy enough as it is without having to sit in the aisle. And the thought of a bunch of people walking past my baby..."

Well, you get the picture.

I remember when I was a kid that we went to the Bob's Big Boy and would sit in the booth.  I would get to sit in the booster seat.  It was a little plastic throne that they would put in the booth seat.  No, no seat belt, but I would argue a tad bit safer none the less.

I honestly don't know why they changed at all.

Little Breads

Pretzels

It's actually a mispronunciation of the Bavarian word "Bretzlen", which means "little breads".

It's something that I have missed being gluten intolerant....well, missed when I didn't cheat.

Last year, my husband found these pretzels by Glutino.

I honestly can't tell the difference between the gluten ones and the gluten-free ones.  They taste just like the big bag of cheap little pretzel sticks.

They do have some sesame pretzels- I actually prefer those, but all of the sesame seeds fall off before you can really eat them.  Then the bag's half full of sesame seeds and no pretzels.

So, when my husband found that Synder of Hanover was making gluten-free pretzels, you can imagine how excited I was.  I loved the Synder mustard pretzel pieces, so I thought I would try the gluten-free pretzels.

And they're quite good.  Just like the gluten version, these are hard, buttery sticks.  Very good.

So, when I checked the side of the bag, I was even more pleased to find that they were truly gluten-free.  In continuing my reading of the bag, I saw the manufacturing warning that the pretzels are manufactured in a facility that processes peanuts.

But there was no notice about the pretzels being manufactured in a facility that handles wheat.

I found that to be sad and scary since it's obvious that it's manufactured by the same company, by the same plant as the wheat pretzels.

I tried to contact them to confirm the omission of the wheat notification, but the Contact Us link on their website doesn't work, so I couldn't get their phone number or email address.

Unfortunately for me, I had already eaten most of the bag by the time I noticed this glaring absence of wheat warning.

I would say,  eat these at your own risk.

Parking at The Mall

So, parking at the Mall of America....

It's an event.

If you've never been to MOA, there's West Coast Parking and East Coast Parking.

I kid you not.

Though their definition of West Coast Parking is, well...Texas isn't in the west at all.  But I guess I can give them a break since there really are only 5 west coast states, including Hawaii and Alaska.  But they kind of missed Washington and Oregon...

But, setting the geography problem aside, the parking structure tiers feed into only three levels of the mall, so some of the tiers have stairs up and down to the mall entrances.  In fact, only the bottom and the 6th floor have no stairs involved- the 6th floor only has direct access through Macy's...so, that's not open during all store hours.  Now, MOA thought through some of this and they do have two smoky, filthy elevators on each parking structure....though, even when they are in service, it's not a place I want to take my baby daughter.

When I moved to Minnesota, my family and I first parked in Hawaii (no, not California- we had had enough of that).  But, just like most people, once you select a parking space, that's pretty much where you park every time.  It's true about parking spots and about seats in a classroom (it was kind of funny to watch this in my college classes- one class I tried to play spoiler and moved around....that's a different story).

Anyway, Hawaii.

Well, Hawaii is on the 3rd floor, West Coast Parking.  You have to navigate down some stairs  to get from the parking tier to the mall, so once I had my baby, that was out.  We had to start parking on the bottom floor...ugh, Texas.

Now, it's not that I dislike parking in Texas just because I don't like country music, or cowboy boots, or the Texas way of doing things.  I've been there on multiple occasions and it's frankly a scary place- like out of some KKK horror film.  I guess I'm just too much of a Yankee to really want to park in Texas.

And then there's the whole problem with GETTING to the mall from the Texas level.

1. The lights are the dimmest on this level than any other level.  
2. There an active street with just a stop sign to control traffic that you have to run across to get to the mall.  
3. Then, there's no handicapped door plate for entering the mall at this level.  

This is find particularly egregious since, again, this is the only level that does not have stairs between the parking ramp and the mall.  Even if you are the take the elevator, you have to take it all the way down to the street level to enter the mall because the elevators don't line you up with the mall entrance- just the parking tiers.  I honestly find it quite a sick joke that the mall put handicapped parking on each tier of the parking structure, only to make them take the broken, smelly, filthy elevators down to the street level, cross the busy street, and have to maneuver into the mall double doors without the handicapped plate.

Yeah, great "handicapped" parking.  Completely accessible.

And I'm just trying to get my baby and her stroller into the mall.

Finally, I can't overlook the "Family Parking" at the Eden Prairie mall.  Well, "Eden Prairie Center".  Honestly, "Center"?  

The Family Parking accounts for 4 slots on the backside of the mall next to the Von Maur store.  These 4 slots are at the very front of the parking aisles- just like the handicapped parking.  However, UNLIKE the handicapped parking, these 4 slots are completely uncovered by the parking ramp.  There are only 4 slots that aren't covered and they chose these 4 slots to be "Family Parking"...because obviously, I'd want to park in one of these spots in the rain and snow while trying to get my kid out of the car and into her stroller instead of parking in the parking ramp.

Who plans these things!?

The Family Business

Used to be that you would grow up and go into the family business.  All of that knowledge that you gain as a child, a teen, a young adult -listening to the problems that your parents encountered and solved....It's all gone.  It accounts for nothing anymore.

You can't put on your resume that you grew up in the family business and that counted for experience.

You can't put that down.  No one counts that as learned experience.

How is that any less valuable than the textbook knowledge that you get in school?

I think it's really sad that all of that knowledge that we used to gain for 18+ years of our existence no longer matters.

Who wouldn't love to be able to put down 18 years of experience on their resume!?

In fact, you're looked at rather oddly if you "go into the family business"...unless it's the mob or you're rich or something.  But if you were to get a job where you worked along side your mom or your dad for years- that would seem odd to people.

It's sad that I don't get to count any of that experience.

In fact, nowadays, I don't get to count even my years of experience.  Jobs require you to get a degree or certification to prove you can type and file, much less be a business analyst.  I really blame Cisco and Microsoft- their "Certified Engineer" programs were frankly required if you wanted to work on the code for those products- they're just not logical.  You NEEDED the certification to get the training that you couldn't get anywhere else.

That was before the days of the internet, though.

Certifications were for those jobs that you HAD to apprentice for- not the jobs that you could gain experience on-the-job.

Now there's tons of information at my fingertips- I just have to know how to find it.

It's really quite shocking, actually, that there isn't a Googling certification.  I think that might actually be one of the more useful certifications- how do you find the information you need...and then what do you do with it once you've found it.

In the meantime, I have an IQ of 153, a Bachelor's degree in Pre-Medical Biology, a Master's degree in Molecular Medicine, 15 years of experience as an IT Business Analyst, 5 years of experience as a college professor....

...and I'm not qualified for any job anymore.

Username

I've been filling out a lot of online forms lately.

Most of them utilize the Taleo HR software.

I HATE this software.

It is this quintessential BAD HR software.  It has a ton of nonsense fields and it has a very poor resume parsing engine.

For example, when you want to enter your street address, you have to start with the country.

Then the list dynamically reloads so that you have to pick the state.

Then the list dynamically reloads so that you have to pick the county.  THE COUNTY!  Seriously!?  What importance is the county to applying for a job!?

Then the list dynamically reloads again so that you have to pick the "closest metropolitan area".

You'd think that in Minneapolis/St. Paul that this would be "Minneapolis" or "St. Paul".  But it's not.  It's just a lame field label for "City".

Now, if you were going to design dynamically populating lists and whatnot, why not start with the ZIP Code?  I mean, seriously, the ZIP Code tells the system everything about the City, County, State, and Country in which you live.

Not that any of that should matter when you're applying for a job unless the company wants to discriminate against you from the get-go based on the city in which you live.

Then there's the Username field.  Now, the instructions specially state that you should use your email address your for Username field.  The next two fields are the password and confirming the password.  The last field is "Email Address".

Uhm, DUH!?

You already have it from the Username!

No More Job For Cliff Claven

I think I  have  about 20 different email addresses on the different providers that I've abandoned over the years.

Some I create to be a different person (yeah, I've done it).

Some I create so that I can get free offers without divulging my private info.

Some I've created, used, and then had to abandon because of the spam that I started getting from EVERYONE.  You can imagine:  looking for a job, you leave a breadcrumb trail of your email addresses at EVERY job board and headhunter.  Eventually, they start sending you junk.

Oh, look at this job- you're not qualified, but do you know someone who is?

Oh, I "found" your resume and wouldn't you like to apply for this crap job that you haven't done in 10 years?

Look!  There's a great deal on erection disorder pills because some company that had your email address got or opened a virus.

I find it amazing, too, that when you mark mail as spam, you still end up getting emails from that sender.

Uhm, this is STILL spam.

It has gotten so bad over the years that I've just had to abandon email addresses- just don't use them anymore because they're so full of junk.

It's just too bad that you can't escape the same with your home address.  I've had friends, though, that had an interesting response to junk mail, particularly offers.  They send back the envelope with no information inside.  It ends up costing the company that sent it the postage, and they figured that it would eventually just piss them off.  I always thought that the companies would just double their junk mail- just to piss my friends off.

My solution, however, has been to refuse the mail.  As long as it's addressed to someone, not "Resident", then you can write "Refused- Return to Sender" on the outside of the envelope and remail it.  Then, you get the post office involved.  There are actually laws about junk mail (remember the original Miracle on 34th Street?)  They're just not usually enforced....until the post office gets irritated enough to do something about it.

It all might be a moot point soon, though- what are the package carriers going to do when we get transporter technology?  Will there be "US Postal Service Instant Transport" and "MicroSecond Instant Carrier"?  Just makes you wonder if these companies are helping or hindering transporter technology.  Perhaps they'll get manage to get their cut of the new technology since they missed out on faxes and email.  It does make me curious what types of junk mail I'll end up getting when transporter technology becomes a household tool, though.

Perhaps if there were better controls on the junk mail that we get to our addresses, the US Post Office wouldn't be in the situation that it's in now.

Happy Double Birthday!

I was born on the Lunar New Year.  Some of you might know it as "the Chinese New Year", but since it's the lunar calendar, and it's followed by more than the Chinese, it's really the "Lunar New Year".

I had a friend from Shanghai that I used to work with in the gene therapy lab.  She was also born on the Lunar New Year, but she used to celebrate her birthday twice:   once on her actual birthday (which changes every year according to the solar/western calendar) and once on January 1st.  I asked her why chose January 1st?  It wasn't the day that she was born on.  She told me that when she came to the US, she had to put down a birth date.

Now, this is an interesting problem.

Think of all the forms and whatnot that you fill out that ask for your date of birth.  Each one of them uses the solar calendar.  So, when you are born using a different calendar system, what day do you pick?

Granted, in the year 2013, it's not like the whole world doesn't know about the solar calendar and use that calendar.  But my friend was born before home computers and before Nixon's visit to China and all of that.  Nowadays, I don't know how many people only use the lunar calendar or any non-solar calendar- system.

In the meantime, I'll be content to celebrate my birthday twice...except for those years where  the solar and lunar calendars align for my birthday.  Then I guess it just needs to be a party twice as big.  I wonder how often those align...has to be rarer than a blue moon.

Things That Go Beep

Why is it that microwave ovens continue to beep when they're done?  It's not like the microwave is "on" like a conventional oven (it's continued beeping I understand from a safety perspective- obviously, the heat is on and something is in there, you'd better come and get it before it burns).

But why microwaves?  Now that I have a baby, I can tell you it's one of the more irritating things I experience- warming up your lunch when you hear the tell-tale sound of the BIG POO.  Now you get to change a diaper at lunch time.  You've left your lunch warming in the microwave and while you're scraping the fecal matter off your baby's rear, the microwave continues to go off:

BEEP!

(remove pants)

BEEP!

(WHOA!  get more toilet paper)

BEEP!

(wet wipes)

BEEP!

(New diaper)

BEEP!

(pants back on)
And you're not going to be able to turn it off any time soon.

BEEP!

(shoot- you forgot to snap the onesie- take the pants off)

It's not like the microwave is running and you need to save your soup or risk turning it to charcoal!

BEEP!

It's just one of those irritating things.

BEEP!

I mean, I understand if you want to notify me that my food is done, but why KEEP GOING!? The laundry has three beeps to let me know the wash finished.  But then it stops...

Actually, I guess I wouldn't mind a little continued reminder on the washing machine, otherwise, if you don't hear the beeps or you forget, your clothes sit there and sour.

There are actually two other appliances that don't beep at all that really surprise me:  the humidifier (when it's empty) and the coffeemaker.

I mean, you've got that humidifier running or a reason.  A simply little tone or something to let you know that it's done...wouldn't that be nice?

And the coffeemaker- do manufacturers just expect that you're going to sit there and wait for the maker to finish?  How many of us get to do that in the mornings?!  It's more like:

Coffeemaker on.

Go get dressed.

Is the coffee done?  No-

Go wash your face

Is the coffee done? No-

Go get your lunch ready.

Is the coffee done? No-

Go brush your teeth.

Is the coffee done?

Finally!

With these self-grinding, self-timed new machines, it's just something that I'm shocked isn't on a coffeemaker.

BEEP!

Well, you'll have to excuse me, my breakfast is calling.

BEEP!

Sterling Example Of Incompetence

As part of getting a new job, the employer runs a background check.  It's supposed to just be a confirmation that you are telling the truth on your resume- and that you aren't an ex-con.  I've been through this before. It's usually the HR department that goes and calls your previous employers.

But this time, the HR department hired a third party background check company:  Sterling Info Systems.

Not only have they proven to be completely incompetent with finding my previous employers (uhm, name's on the resume!?) but when they called for a question about the information, they were so hard to hear because of their own crummy phone system and thick accents, that I found I was just yelling into the phone.  When I called back, TWICE, the agent on the other end hung up on me- TWICE.

I ended up having to send an email to some generic email address with some semi-private information.

The best part was the phone call I received two hours after the last hang up.

It was Sterling again.

I think it was even the same agent.

They said that they had no record of calling me at all.

So, uhm, the voicemail still on my phone came from.......?

This time it was a question about a different company.  When I gave the information, AGAIN, she was going to hang up on me.  I asked if she wanted to write down the information that they asked for the first phone call- she said that there was no record of anyone calling me- or that information was missing on my background search.

Of course, once I told her what the information was, she said, "Oh, yes, I see that now..."

Supposedly that's the end of the their ineptitude.

What's sad is that when I reached out to the HR department at the company that offered me the job, I got no response about this issue.

Hope it's not an omen of things to come.

Either way, I highly, HIGHLY recommend NOT using Sterling Info Systems for your background checks.

Curious

It's amazing to me how many "children's" books there are out there on the market.

What is more amazing to me is that there are SO MANY BAD children's books out there on the market.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised - not every adult book is a good book.  In fact, there are only a few rare gems that are really worth reading when you consider the vast quantities produced since the time of, oh, Shakespeare.  I guess I shouldn't expect children's books to be any different.

Which is sad.

Take for example a board book.  They didn't really have those when I was a kid- there were books and there were plastic baby books.  That was all.  The plastic baby books had a word and a picture on each page.  Paper books had a full story.

The Little Golden Books were the only real mid-way between the two for kids.

Now you can go to Barnes & Noble (which unfortunately seem to be the only bookstores around except for the used bookstores) and there are a couple of shelves of board books.  The stories range in content from just random pictures with little organization to actual stories.  If the book actually does have a story, then the story itself can vary in quality quite a bit.  But what I find in most of these books is that either:

The content is not age appropriate (the story is too complicated or too simple, or has difficult concepts like truth and honesty, or the words are too big, etc),

OR

There are too many words on a page,

OR

The font is difficult to read.

Even the Dr. Seuss/Cat in the Hat Early Reader board books aren't not infant appropriate- the majority of them use nonsense words when the kid is trying to learn REAL worlds and REAL concepts and associations.  It's amazing, frankly, what people think should pass for a children's book.  Some books were originally written for much older children, but the publisher, in their infinite wisdom decided to publish as a board book.  The stories may actually be great, but they're just not infant material.

For example, The Grouchy Ladybug.   Great story, but not infant material.

But I have managed to find a couple of good books that my daughter absolutely loves:

Curious George Goes to The Zoo (Touch and Feel) and Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb.

The stories are great.  The pictures are great.  The touch and feel patches are large and have unique textures- not just all fur.

What's sad, though, is that Curious George In the Park (Touch and Feel) is not as good.  The story is over simplified with nothing tying the pages together into an actual story.  I had such high hopes.  In addition, the last page is a piece of checkered cotton so you can feel the picnic blanket.  It's lame.  Very sad for George.  Still, it's better than most touch and feel books- the patches are still large enough that you can actually feel the textures.

The Dot Game

I remember sitting in church with my sister and my mother- suffering from the boredom of youth- trying to stay quiet for the sermon.  I spent a lot of time looking at the pictures in my children's Bible, then all the pamphlets in the pew, then the pictures again....and so on.  Just trying to make it through the hour of boredom.  My mother got creative- she would pull out one of the pamphlets and draw a grid of dots and show my sister and I how to play the dot game.

Perhaps you've played this game?


It's where you "capture" the squares, or a group of squares, by taking turns drawing straight lines between the dots.  Whoever captures the most squares wins.

So, there's a little bit of strategy involved....

I, being the older sister, loved taking advantage of my younger sister's lack of strategy.

So, naturally, the dot game didn't last very long.

The trouble with the dot game, like all strategy games, is that you really need an opponent.  And like most strategy games, someone finally wrote a computer simulator for it.

And it's free- wee!

Needless to say I've spent a few hours playing; I've never been in the top 20 of a game's leader board.  It's just too bad that there isn't a job that could utilize my fine Dot Game skills.

The Institute for Infant Nutrition

Boy, I'm really glad that there are such a$$hole companies out there like Abbott for me to truly loathe.

I got this JUNK mail from "The Institute for Infant Nutrition".

The first question on the survey is my baby's birthday.

Honestly, you should really use this, as I did, as a red flag.

NO ONE SHOULD BE ASKING FOR YOUR BABY'S BIRTHDAY OR ANY OTHER PRIVATE INFORMATION.

So, when I looked up the "institute", I was hoping just to easily be able to tell if it was a .com or .gov or .org - thereby allowing me to easily decide if it was worth my time in completing.

I was disgusted to find that it's Abbott, the maker of Similac and Pedialite.

I just feel used- they are the manufacturers of guaranteed gluten free so we have used them.

This mailer definitely makes me pause in continuing to purchase their products.

Most Interesting Experiences

I think I really have the most interesting experiences.

I think it's because I have a very interesting affect on people.  Either they really like me or they really don't.

For example, in one of my interviews recently, I got a hug from the HR person interviewing me.

From HR

You'd think if anyone would be less likely to give you a hug and break personal space, it would be someone from HR.

And, no, I didn't know them at all.

And then, last week, I got my walking papers from the company that I work for- company just not making enough money.  I don't know how it works with other people, but I've never received a hug from the people saying that I don't have a job anymore.

It's just interesting.

Because on the other hand, I've had the dramatic opposite affect from people - where they stand over your desk as you clean it out.

It's just interesting how dramatically.

AWWWWWWWW

In case you're not quite a fan of the sadistic, puppy bowl, cute kitten Half Time show, I think you'll like this much better :)

Yeah, That'll Never Happen

So, obviously, I still have my breast pump since I'm breastfeeding and working.  I've been keeping up with it faithfully for almost a year now and find that as the year-end approaches, I have mixed feelings about quitting.

I like breastfeeding because it's something only _I_ can do for my daughter.

She likes her Mommy Moo, too.

But, I'm definitely looking forward to NOT getting up twice a night to pump and clean the equipment. 

ESPECIALLY cleaning the pump lines. They are ALWAYS getting milk in them.  I remember when it first happened, my husband and I were dumbfounded about what occurred- and what to do about it.  We had to look it up in the little booklet that came with the Medela (pronounced ME-DEE-LA, evidently) pump.  The booklet says that some "moisture" may occasionally get trapped in the lines and to just blow it out with the pump after you're done.

But this isn't just a little moisture.

It's straight up milk that gets sucked up the lines because the little silicone valves don't open properly to drain the milk into the bottles.  We've spent hours looking for what's wrong with the pump.

Hours online.

Hours just inspecting the pump.

We finally just gave up looking for the reason and accepted the fact that we had to clean the pump lines with little syringes all the time.

Then, when my daughter was in the hospital, they gave me the Medela steam cleaning bags for my equipment.  On the back of these bags, taking up 1/2 the instructional space, are very specific instructions for steam cleaning the pump lines.

Of course, it is prefaced with "This should not occur, but if it does.."

You know, if a company spends that much product real estate to give you instructions on how to do something, you know that it's NOT a rare occurrence.

But when I used the cleaning bags to clean the pump lines, despite what the instructions said about not affecting the performance of the lines, the lines became hard and won't stay attached to the machine anymore.

When I called Medela to complain and ask for more pump lines, they wanted to know why I was sterilizing the lines to begin with.  

Uhm, there's milk in the lines!?!

They gave me the same song and dance spiel about that shouldn't ever happen.

After several minutes of me explaining that not only did it happen, it happens all the time and I followed the instructions on YOUR product to the letter for YOUR pump lines, they finally agreed to send me new pump lines.

So, the moral of this story is:

If it doesn't ever happen, there wouldn't be step-by-step instructions on how to fix it.

A Little Old School

Paperman - Full Animated Short Film - YouTube

Something cute and sweet for your Saturday morning.  It's pretty good- the character animation and movement is great.  The story is cute.  The animation style and color match the story well, though there is some clipping (animation seems to break) when the guy gets covered by the airplanes.

Family Tree Acupunture

Just a quick recommendation to those of you out there looking for an acupuncturist.

I started seeing Stefanie at Family Tree Acupuncture when I was pregnant and all I can say is, "Wow".

Professional, calm, and interested in your problems.  Her sessions are extremely helpful for my back pain, sleeplessness, and lactation problems (believe it or not, acupuncture helps with the milk let-down).  She even is able to come to you home, which is great if you can't get away because of illness or you're watching the kid.