Remote Is All In Your Mind

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and we talked about work.  Her job, like most others, requires her to go in to the office every day (that's an hour commute for her in good weather...each way).

So, we ended up talking about how I telecommute.

She thought that was so odd to be working with people world-wide over WebEx and other "productivity" tools.

My point back to her was this:  well, most of it's email and phone calls.  It's just the same as what you do every day.

And then I think it dawned on her- how the "remoteness" was all in her mind.  

I mean, if you have an IT job, chances are you're either heads-down (like programmers) all day and don't want to be bothered, or you're emailing and calling people.

So, does it matter where you do that work?

Does it matter where the person you're contacting is located?  (well, besides the time zone consideration)

It's quite sad and irritating that modern society is ready to embrace technology like laptops and cellphones, trusting in the technology, but they expect the working life to go on as it has for the past centuries.

Does that really make sense???

Why make all of these advances when we're not going to embrace the life changes that accompany them?

Scary

Well, instead of writing to you about my daughter's play kitchen (which will have to wait until later), I thought I'd share a scary experience of my own:

when a microwave almost explodes.

When you start noticing that your beverage or dinner just isn't as hot as you think it should be- it's NOT you.

OR
when you start noticing that your beverage or dinner is hotter than you think it should be- it's NOT you.

It's the magnetron in the microwave wearing out.

And when it finally wears out, it will make a sound like a unpopped kernel of popcorn skittering across the floor, followed by the typical "appliance on fire smoking smell", followed by a whirring noise that isn't the normal 'uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu' of the microwave fan.

Now, I've had a lot of microwaves in my life (though I still remember life without one) and this is the first time that I've ever had one die.

It's just Murphy's Law:  just when you replace the expensive light bulb in the thing, it decides to blow up.

<headshake>

China, With The Pictures All In Blue

I think that Bargain for Frances is one of the most popular children's books (though I'm still not sure how I feel about the message of cheat others when they cheat you). Despite what being published over 40 years ago, it still appears on "Book of the Week" lists.

And, as parents, we all know that children want to mimic what they read about in books and see on TV- heck isn't that what action figures and character-licensed apparel is all about?

So, what I find sad, is that a book about a girl and her tea set, while being one of the top reads of childdom, does not register with any manufacturer of toys.

Because you just can't find that china tea set with the pictures all in blue.

Now, I know, I know.  To product a china tea set for a toy sounds like a disaster waiting to happen (after all, Frances had one and she broke all the pieces...just as I suspect many children did and continue to do with fragile things).  But no one even makes a plastic tea set that matches the book.

Talk about a missed opportunity!

In fact, if you want a child's tea set, with the pictures all in blue, you'll need to shop on Ebay and buy one from the 40's/50's.

Perhaps I'm being too hard on toy manufacturers.

Perhaps the problem isn't that they wanted to stop making tea sets with the pictures all in blue.  Perhaps it's that Americans (the largest consumer market in the world), have lost their class and don't have tea parties or elegance or refinement anymore.

Either way, if you want a tea set for your daughter, you'll be stuck with a Dora- or Disney-branded set of just the tea pot, cups, and saucers - NO SUGAR BOWLS.  Perhaps this is because no one needs a sugar bowl since most sugars for teas come in little packets.

Changes the story a bit to not have the sugar bowl.


Thelma was right:  guess they really don't make them any more.

Seasonings For Processed Food...

Do you like to cook?

Think you're the next Iron Chef?

Well, if you don't know about Penzey's you should.  It's an old fashioned spice merchant with herbs and spices that actually smell and taste like something (yes, there actually is a distinct difference in flavor between oregano and basil, but if you only buy the little brown leaves in the supermarket, you'll never know).  The best part is:  it's actually cheaper, per ounce, than McCormick's and Spice Island.

And they now have free shipping over $30.

Yeah, subsidized shipping!

Anyway, they put out their little catalog on a quarterly basis.  This issue features their new flavor:

Frozen Pizza Seasoning


o_O

WTF?

I mean they used to have "Pizza Seasoning", but now it's "Frozen Pizza Seasoning"?

My first question is "why?".

And after my initial shock of dumbing down the spice industry to accommodate processed food that has already been flavored, I have to ask:

"Is this because frozen pizza tastes so bad or is this spice designed to make other food taste like frozen pizza?"

Now, don't make it sound like I'm being nitpicky.  When you buy "Butter flavoring" and "Vanilla Extract", it's to make food taste like the flavoring.

So, honestly, is this spice supposed to make other food taste like frozen pizza?

Seriously, folks, I think that you're listening too much to your marketing people because I think that some things (like spices) don't need "improved flavors"- just keep the ones we all know about tasting good at a good price.

If I Only Had the Money

So, there's a fantastic international salon group called TED.


They supposedly encourage innovations among the masses by spreading the word about current discoveries and findings in a wide variety of social, economic, and scientific fields.

However, the price to attend one of their seminars is self-limiting; only those in the upper brackets of management or who like living in debt can afford to go.

Perhaps it's just too socialist of me, but you'd think that if a group is really supposed to be FOR the common folk, that the common folk would be able to afford to go.

Silly me.

We Pledge Allegiance To The Corporations Of America

Yeah, this is another bitch about how the government, by the people, for the people, and of the people is not actually representative of the people.

My latest thoughts on this revolve around the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness...particularly during dangerous conditions.

I find it despicable that when the federal government issues a weather advisory to a location, oh, say Minnesota, saying that there are DANGEROUS conditions and that travel should be limited to emergencies, people are still expected to report to work, on time, as usual.

Why?

Because the federal government has no power.

Corporations have power because corporations have money.  Might makes right, after all.

And in this case, corporations can demand that their employees report to work or lose their jobs (that would be the pursuit of life and happiness, right?) during conditions that are, frankly, deadly.

I find this particularly interesting that people just don't seem to feel that the weather has any power over their lives...until it comes with such a destructive force that it kills many at once.  But picking you off one at a time because your car swerves into on-coming traffic during a blizzard- well, that's acceptable and you better get your ass in the office on-time.

Isn't the federal and state government that for matter, supposed to protect the people?  How is it protecting the people in Minnesota during a blizzard?

They could do things like close roads to all but emergency personnel.

They could do things like start charging a safety tax to corporations for putting not only their employee's lives at risk, but also that of the emergency crews that have to come and dig them out of the ditch during hazardous conditions.  And what about the damage to state property?  Road signs and whatnot?  Crashes from commuters ruin the K-rail and who pays to fix it?  The worker.  Is that fair!?Seems that would solve a lot of financial issues for the government and perhaps put the focus back on the safety and well-being of the people.  I mean, it wouldn't be the first time that a state entity made policy based on the weather.

But that would be if the government was actually in control.

It's obviously not.

Big and Small

Why is it that clicking the "enlarge" or "zoom" function on eCommerce sites (like Amazon) opens a pop-up window that has a picture that's SMALLER than the original?

Developers:  HONESTLY!

Don't tell me that you can't require an image of higher resolution or larger dimensions for the enlargement.

Otherwise, disable the function.

Why Facebook Is Evil

Suddenly, I have a ooey, gooey self-satisfied feeling about NOT using Facebook (and removing myself from other social media).

It turns out that social media and modern lifestyle is gradually dumbing down the human population.  There is a lot more 'monkey-see' behavior nowadays and a lot fewer instances of innovation and individual thought.

In other words, the human race is regressing to tribal behavior, where there is a leader appointed by popularity and whatever that leader says, goes.  Blindly.

It's sad when I think about the article in Scientific American this month about whether or not utopias are possible; scientists have determined that the human propensity for lemming behavior is what destroys the possibility for a science-fiction type utopia because the disparity between master and servant (where the master thinks and the servant obeys) cannot allow a lifestyle of free-thought and equality.

So, despite feeling have that warm-cuddly plugged-in-so-I'm-modern-and-advance mind thought, all of you out there that live and die by texting and Facebook are destroying the dream of ever overcoming the human conditions for power because you just reiterated every little stupid fact that you find on the internet and treat it like gospel.

Today

Some days you just don't forget.

No matter how hard you try.

Holidays

You know, it used to be that a federal holiday meant everyone in the national except essential personnel had the day off.

Like Thanksgiving and Christmas.  National holidays.  No one really works.

It used to be that February was the best month in the year because it had a work holiday (Valentine's Day- when everyone was more focused on diabetic levels of candy than making any progress on work and school), and two federal holidays, which were always back to back Mondays.

I think it was Columbus Day that was really the turning point for refusing to accept national holidays.  Some people strongly felt that Columbus Day was a travesty and that is was morally wrong to celebrate a day that resulted in mass extinction of races of people.

To those patriots, I'd like to bring up Memorial Day and the Fourth of July- two national holidays that highlight and promote man-on-man cruelty.

But, back to my point:  refusing to honor a national holiday.

It seems that, once again, the power does not lie with the people.  Nor with the government.  It lies with the owners of oligomonopolies that can decide to refuse federal will.

After all, we all know:  money is power.

It certainly isn't the people.

Wheat: More Toxic Than Good?

As a sufferer Celiac Disease, I avoid wheat and wheat-like (analog) grains, like barley, oats, and rye.  But studies are now showing that wheat may contain other substances (molecules) that are harmful to consume.

The studies show that a larger group of people have been diagnosed with "gluten sensitivity", which, it turns out, is completely different than Celiac Disease.  These have shown that people with gluten sensitivity suffer most of the same ill effects as those with Celiac Disease (gassy, bloated, headaches, irritability, diarrhea, etc), but without the immunological response.  In other words, they get all the symptoms without body reacting to gluten as if it were foreign, as Celiac Disease suffers do.  When those with gluten sensitivity go in for the now standard blood test for Celiac Disease, they show no antibodies against gluten, so they're told that they don't have problems with eating wheat.

But these studies are showing that's often not true.  

People who go in with these symptoms are actually suffers of gluten sensitivity- a disease which remains largely undiagnosed and unstudied.  The general advice from medical scientists for those with gluten sensitivity is to avoid wheat, just like those with Celiac Disease.

Now, what I find interesting is that wheat has been cultivated for 10,000 or more years and NOW we're having problems.

It sounds to me like we've either done something to poison the grain or some other substance or organism has taken over either the wheat or modern humans to make the relationship we used to have with our food, well, pointless.

Long live food processing, right?

Pretty soon, we'll only be able to digest pills.

When To Say "No"

My daughter has recently embraced the word "no".

Do you want to go potty?

 No

Do you want to have dinner?

No

Do you want to read a book?

No

In my equally ornery mind set, I  replied back:

Can you say "No"?

...

And then there was no more "No".

Just When You Thought It Was Safe...

Ok, so you may recall my recent blasting of Ranger Rick, Jr. March 2014 issue for publishing incorrect data on shark bones.

WELL

I found out that Americans continue to surprise me with their incompetence, particularly people in power...because here's the answer I received from the Editor-in-Chief:


Professor Irish Lass,

Thanks for taking the time to contact me regarding our March issue. 

I'm not a biologist of any kind, but I do try to fact check all content that appears in the pages of Ranger Rick Jr. In regards to sharks having bone, my research indicated that a shark's jaw was made of cartilage that was strengthened with calcium salts which formed a "calcified cartilage that has similar strength characteristics of bone without the added weight." I did not pursue this issue further with a marine biologist because it seemed fairly straightforward. The jaw isn't exactly cartilage, nor is it bone. Given the fact, the magazine is written for young children, I didn't think it was appropriate to try to explain the differences between the types of cartilage in the various parts of a shark.

Thanks again for your interest in Ranger Rick magazine. 

Sincerely,

--- -----
Editor-in-Chief
Early Childhood Publications


I want you to notice the second line again:
I'm not a biologist of any kind


And then the part about how she did some research on her own and thought she had the right answer and then didn't bother to confirm it.

<EYE BLINK>

wow

So, here's my response to her.

Dear Ms. Collins,

Calcified cartilage is what bone is.  All bones, even bones in vertebrates, start out at cartilage models and then calcium "ossifies" or hardens it to make bone. There are different types of bone that can be made from this model, however, all calcified cartilage is BONE.  

Chrondrichthyes are bony-jawed fish.  

The issue is incorrect.

There are several other incorrect items in this issue:

1. Primates are missing from the Vertebrate class.

2. The story about Ricky and friends features "Ms. Cardinal"...who is actually drawn as a male cardinal.  Female cardinals are not bright red.  They are two different colors of drab, with black faces and bright orange beaks.

I'm really disappointed with the editing in this issue.  Ranger Rick has always been a source of education about our biological world and it seems that there are several oversights were are teaching children errors.

Ranger Rick, Jr. needs to recall the issue and fix the problems.

Sincerely,

Professor Irish Lass

While I doubt it will get the necessary response, I at least have her quotes here to share with the world.

And, yes, sharks do have a bony jaw.

English Expertise

Why is it that we expect people from England to speak proper English?

Granted, I'm not talking (ha ha) about accents and dialects.  I'm talking about the grammar.

It's like we naturally expect that people from that country are good communicators in their own language.

But, I've discovered several times in the past week, developers from any country speak about the same...both over the phone and in writing.

It's amazing.

For example:

"these ones"

GUHGUHGUHGUHGUGH!!!!

It's "one of these" of "this one" or just plain old "these".

DRIVES ME CRAZY!

And it's so much more of an affront to my ears when you hear someone from York (that would be where Downton Abbey is filmed just to get a gauge on the accent) say "these ones".

ARGH!

I also, wrongly, expect that people from California are better communicators than most Americans (sorry, but that's been my experience).  Perhaps it's the quick talking or the enforced standardized testing standards in reading and writing.  Californians, in my experience, are also great at presenting, because they're all secretly hoping someone in the audience will make them famous.

I dunno.

But that, too, has been shattered today when I was on the phone with someone (supposedly) from California that could barely string two words together about a product he was representing.  And it is times like these where a poker face or a phone call will save your career.

Just don't let them hear the nails on the chalk board.

And These Are The Experts!

Dear Ranger Rick Jr.,

I'm a biology professor at the local college.

I received the March 2014 issue of Ranger Rick Jr. and there's a 2 page article with incorrect information.  It asks if sharks are boneless.  The issue says "yes".

This is wrong.  Sharks belong to the Class Chondrichthyes, which is cartilaginous fish, HOWEVER, they have a BONE JAW!  It is full bone.

I'm really amazed that the editor wouldn't know this simple fact and I'm quite upset about Ranger Rick Jr. misrepresenting information in their magazines.  I think you owe my daughter, and all of the children who read this issue, an apology and a credit for printing false information.

Sincerely,
Professor Irish Lass


....and upon further inspection...the issue is about "vertebrates", but they leave out primates all together.  Then, later in the book, "Mrs. Cardinal" comes to tell Ricky Raccoon about frogs...only the illustration is a male cardinal.

hmm- drag queen cardinals, huh?

great editing job

Heavy Breathers

It drives me crazy.

I spend all day on the phone with people from work.  And it really irritates me that people pant into their microphones.

So, in preparation for this blog post, I went looking for the perfect diagram of where to place your headset mic...

And this was the ONLY picture I could find online.



And it's WRONG!

No wonder people are spitting and panting all over the mic!

Huuuuh, huuhhhhh

Just for the sake of argument, you're supposed to put the mic BELOW your mouth- preferably at chin-level (about two fingers).  That way, you aren't breathing or spitting on your mic.

If you're worried about people hearing you, go to your Sound>Microphone settings and up the volume on the mic.

Now, if I can only find a way of sending this info to my colleague without her knowing it's me.

Sexist Shirts

I love geeky shirts.

And Think Geek has the largest selection of geeky Tshirts.

Now, that part, makes me happy.

What makes me sad is this:

Think Geek is sexist.

They don't have, for example, the Ferrous Wheel Tshirt in the "women's Tshirts".  Evidently, women aren't chemists in the minds of Think Geek overlords.

Nor do they have the Resistance Tshirt in women's cut.  Evidently, women aren't physicists or Star Trek fans in the minds of Think Geek overlords.

In fact, there are only 110 geeky Tshirts for women, but they have 227 Tshirts for men.  If anything, the women's shirts offerings should be MORE than the men's because they offer sleep shirts and maternity- neither of which apply to men.

It's just pretty irritating that these subliminal gender roles are continuing to be reinforced by retailers.

Bathroom on The Right

A few years ago, I started making mental notes of which public toilets women use most.

You know, you're occupying a cell and someone, without looking, jiggles the door, giving you quite the moment of terror as you're rousted from your private efforts to double check that the door bolt is holding.

And I've noted that there are definitely some doors that are more likely to be disturbed than others.

Take for example, the first couple of doors- these seem to be very popular- but which door seems to depend on the particular bathroom.

And why is that?

Is it that it is more natural to continue your U turn into the bathroom at a certain radius?  Or is it that we more naturally prefer the first pot?  And then there's the habitual marking aspect that needs to be taken into account- once you go there and it was clean, you're more likely to return to that pot, right?  Even though it's a public pot and it's got an equal share of the action, as it were?

I'd love to see a sociological experiment on this:  Toilets starting at different distances from the entry wall to see which toilets are used more vs. which door count vs. the angle of the turn you have to make to enter the pot...

It might actually help us understand how many pots should go into a bathroom....

...but the answer is "always one more" in the women's.

Cats

Yup, I've got some.

And except for the hairballs, walking in on the keyboard, and the sleeping on my face, I enjoy having them here.  So, when my husband told me about this new book, I was pretty irritated.  I mean, how can a human know what a cat is thinking?

But, honestly, the publicist for the book is a genius because it's getting a lot of discussion.  And perhaps that was the original intent of the book- money.  Because cat keepers are more attached to their companions than any other humans and they'd  have a lot to say about the book:  loving it or hating it.

Only Xians

You know, I have to say I'm amazed at how much Xians can corner the market on crafts and "quiet" activities.

For example:  if you've never read the Bible, you won't be able to do any of the Challenger-level crossword puzzles from Dell or Penny Press (which are the same company now).

And now, when I went looking for cross-stitch patterns, I find that "floral designs" means "flowers on the cross".

I swear, it's amazing.

Where are all the non-Xian crafters!?!?! Why aren't you in these design positions?  I mean, I don't think I've ever seen a menorah with flowers in cross stitch...or a pentagram...or the Flying Spaghetti Monster....Buddha, I have seen, but it falls into that Xian niche of "Asian art".

Someone:  let me know where there's a good set of cross stitch patterns that don't have a cross in them (ha ha)

Placebo Buttons

How many times are you standing in front of the elevator with the button pressed to go up or down...and along comes someone who pushes it again?

FOR WHAT REASON?!

Control

And they never look at you or say anything to you.

Well, I read this article about the Door Close button...I'm not sure that it's actually true (some of them seem to work for me), but it does add a sense of comedy hen you watch people wiling away on the close button.  Very Skinner Box-esque.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/04/21/080421fa_fact_paumgarten?currentPage=all

Statistics, Metrics, and Analytics

So, I was recently presented with a set of analytics from a rather self-satisfied member of my team.  The analytics showed:

1. The number of views of our product,
2. The number of saves of our product, and
3. The number of times the product appeared in a search.

They were just raw counts gathered by a computer system.

In other words, analytics.

But they were presented as metrics, which kind of annoyed me.

Now, there's a big difference and the words aren't interchangeable like the current office usage.

A statistic is a stroke tally of something your measuring.  It could be the number of visits to your product, it could be the number of times a batter hits a ball- you get the idea.

An analytic is when the computer program is measuring the counts for you.

A metric is a normalized statistic, most commonly for measuring some business goal.

You know, normal...

...like the bell curve??

The difference here is that a statistic or analytic is a raw count.  The metric is some computation that you do with the statistic...like "the average number of visits per day to Product X" or "the difference in the number of views of the leading product per day compared to Product X".


Now, I'm not a statistician, but honestly, the first things you should ask yourself when presented with a page of numbers is:

1. What is normal?
2. How did you measure this?
3. What was your measured population?
4. Why do I care?

If you can't answer all of these by looking at the page, then you have a bunch of statistics- NOT METRICS.

Step 2:
Go back and do it right.

Step 3:
Stop using statistics, analytics, and metrics interchangeably.  You look like a moron when you do.

Project Managers

After over ten years in IT, I can honestly tell you this:

Project managers love meetings.

In fact, their whole existence on a team is to create meetings.

And they love to create meetings.

Long meetings.

All day long meetings...

...with the whole team...

...so that they can tan in the spotlight while they "gather status".

ooooo

Now, I've never met a project manager who isn't this way.

That's not to say that there's aren't project managers who are more interested in the project success than collecting the project status.

But I haven't met one.

Hilarity

I am always looking for good hair care products...especially moisturizing products because this winter has been fierce on hair....and let's face it:  gray hair needs more moisture, right?

So, in doing some shopping, I found a L'Oreal product with this advertisement on the label:

L'oreal Serie Expert Power Repair B (Powercell Repair with Lactic Acid) is a single-dose repairing treatment for very damaged hair. To be used after shampooing as an instant repairing treatment for fragile, brittle, sensitised and devitalised, lifeless hair. Power Repair B is a single dose treatment for very damaged hair. This intensive treatment contains NeofibrineTM to restructure and rehydrate the hair fibre, providing absolute repair, to make hair look and feel soft, shiny and healthy. Provides complete renewal and intense strength for chemically-damaged hair. 

Powerdose treatments target the cuticle and hair's surface (Zones B & A) with professional concentrations of Bio-Mimetic Ceramide coupled with dedicated technologies for specific haircare needs. These treatments instantaneously provide deep condition at the hair's cuticle and surface areas for intense shine. 

Lactic Acid is able to create saline bonds between the keratin chains exposed in the cortex of damaged hair fibres. AS if transformed, hair is left soft, supple, with a natural-looking shine.

Now, couple of things that I noticed:

1. It's obviously not American with the "s"es instead of "z"s and "fibres" instead of "fibers".
2. There's no such thing as "saline bonds".  There are covalent, ionic, and hydrogen that might apply here, but there's no such thing as "saline bonds".
3. "Lactic Acid" is not a proper noun- it's the name of an acid, yes, but it's not a proper noun.
4. To my surprise, there actually are hair zones, but based on the diagram below, is Zone 1 or 2 really where you want more moisture?  In my humble experience, adding moisture to the top of your head leaves your hair looking greasy and limp.  In fact, I've been told by multiple stylists NOT to put conditioner on the top of your hair because it weighs down the hair.

It's too bad that there isn't more control over what can be advertised.  Upon reflection, this looks a lot like snake oil...because unless you remember your chemistry, it sounds like a fantastic product.

Groundhog Day, Again

I'm _guessing_ that it's the 6 more weeks of winter....