Over The Top

Ok, I thought it was too much to have the packages of nuts and meats- P3 or whatever they're called.









I thought that buying frozen pancakes was too lazy.







But now, we have this:

Do we really need extra sauce for dog kibble?

In the Year 2525...

I always liked the song.  It's a little depressing, but frank.  The way we process our food and sit all day- what's the point in having teeth?  When we sit all day in front of the computer, how are we forcing our legs to change?

I honestly think that we're at a crossroads as a species.  Just like in Idiocracy, those that are dumb are going to continue the species because they reproduce more quickly.  I'll also draw your attention to the waist diameters of people with lots of kids.  It's probably just that healthy food is too expensive, but, still...we're forcing a change here on the body.

The same is true for those of us who work in IT.  Despite research about how sitting is bad for long periods of time, I look at the office and I don't see any bicycling desks.  I don't see any treadmill desks.  I see a lot of highly processed food wrappers in the trash cans because people don't have the time to eat or drink between meetings.

Here's a side note about dehydration:  it's been shown to alter brain chemistry...so, why does the workplace still not have mandated potty break times?  Because, let's face it, if you don't have time to pee, you won't be drinking anything...and people don't.  Ever notice how many headaches people have at the end of the day? It's not all from eye strain.

So, how are people in IT forcing their bodies to change?  And, yes, there are epigenetic, non-DNA, changes that you can transmit to your offspring...especially if you're a woman- you're donating the egg, you know???  People in carry their PDAs and smart phones with them EVERYWHERE.  I was appalled to find out that a question to HR on a Saturday night (so I wouldn't forget), resulted in an immediate answer. These are the same people who have trouble conceiving (I am really WAITING to hear that exposure to the internet in high doses leads to infertility- nothing yet, but everyone at work is on some sort of infertility treatment.)

I think you can see where I'm getting this idea that we're going to diverge as a species.  Some of us are going to become the biological components of machines.  That's how part of us will survive.  As the biology wears down, we'll move our consciousness to a new body and that will be our "reproduction".  I think the other half will devolve.  Sorry, but I do.  Especially now that the end of life as we know it is within the next 75 years.

Scary Fact

I just realized that starting work at 5am and falling asleep watching the nature channel late at night means that I spend roughly 18 hours online...

...every day....

...mostly WORKING!

OMG

In Honor Of The First Day Of Schoool

In honor of the first day of school, which I ALWAYS loved (the PeeChee folders all crisp and perfect- the new Mead binder!  All the pencils in the new pencil case!  THOSE were the days!), I want to pass along some very POORLY designed educational studies and the results which may be affecting your school this year:

1. Elementary classrooms devoid of decorations are NOT better learning environments.

A study that was recently published in Psychology, tested two groups of kindergarteners to see if they could answer questions about a story better in a room with and without decorations.  Imagine your child's class with NO decorations.  COMPLETELY blank walls.  The study jumped to the conclusion that, because more students were able to answer more questions about the story, that the blank-wall environment is better for learning.

To this point, I'd like to REMIND educators of a couple of key concepts about education:
Bloom's Taxonomy- while the students may have been able to RECALL more information, you did not test whether or not they LEARNED better.  RECALL IS THE MOST BASIC "learning".  It does not prove that you are able to better incorporate the lessons into new applications or understand what you are learning and evaluate what you have learned.  I think all educators would agree that just recalling that "the dog went left" is not as important as "the dog went left because there was a car coming at him on the right".

See my point?

So, if your educator feels starts boasting about this new educational finding, please spew Bloom's Taxonomy at her/him.

In addition, the two classes that were tested:  there is no description of the cultural or IQ distributions of these classes.  You have no idea if there was a morning class or an afternoon class compared side by side.  What the study did NOT do was to use the same sample of kindergarteners with and without decorations...and then to repeat that 30 times (if you're a statistician, you know that n=30 is the magic number).  So, GREAT study.  Please remind your educators of this.

And then find a new teacher for your kid.

2.  Schools starting later do NOT make high school kids get better grades.

I know!  It sounds like something that came out of a high schooler's paper, doesn't it?  I kid you not, studies published in Scientific American, site different school districts and the grades that the high schools receive as proof that the start time of the classes makes a difference.

ahem.

a)  CULTURAL DIFFERENCES HERE!?!  The school districts that they compare do NOT have an comparable distribution of  "A students".  DUH!

b)  Did anyone take into account the number or Advanced Placement classes at these schools as a comparison of the educational drive of these students?

c) Most Important:  DID ANYONE THINK THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STUDENTS AT ALL?  Maybe, just MAYBE it's the TEACHERS who like to start later?  Perhaps having a later start time for them means that they get to do all their grading in the morning instead of at night? Perhaps they're in a better mood when they do their grading?  MAYBE?????

Of course, there are no simple solutions for education because every child is different.  But blindly changing the school system just to get published- I think that's pretty expected.  I mean, you have to make results after you take NEA money.

Just a Reminder...

...What do you call a medical student that's last in their class?

"Doctor"

Screw Glutino

Dear Glutino,

I have long used the Gluten Free Pantry brand because I'm not just on a gluten-free diet- I'm gluten intolerant.  That means that I can't have any grains that have homologous molecular shapes to gluten.  I have long admired Glutino for keeping their products truly gluten-free and safe for those of us with Celiac Disease.

However-

I recently purchased a case of your Favorite Bread Mix.  And while I had it on the counter, I casually looked at the ingredients.

You changed it.

It used to have (from the other box in my pantry with the SAME box design):
White Rice Flour, Brown Rice Flour, Potato Starch, Skim Milk, Whey, Corn Starch, Cane Sugar, Guar Gum, Salt and a Yeast Packet.

That was safe.  It was delicious.  It was the best GF Product ever.

Then you changed it.  Now it has:
Brown Rice Flour, Flour Mix (Rice Fiber, Pea Protein, Flaxseed meal, sorghum flour, buckwheat flour, millet flour), Potato Starch, Why, Skim Milk, White Rice Flour, Corn Starch, Cane Sugar, Guar Gum, Yeast, Salt.

FYI:  Those with celiac disease can't eat sorghum, buckwheat, or millet flour because they are immuno-reactive for us (they cause the disease symptoms).

Now, I'm stuck with a case (12 boxes) of your product and I can't eat it unless I want to cause the disease to flare up.  I might as well just have a wheat sandwich!

I want my money back from you or a trade for the gluten free product that I thought I was buying.   I'll be calling your customer service for support, as well.

I can't believe you'd be so dishonest.  Please help restore my faith in your company.

Is it any wonder?

I've just spent the last week in a workshop about cloud seeding.  You know, "making it rain"?  Turns out that it's actually possible...well, I guess not really.  The seeders can only enhance the amount of rain in an area.

Basically, they either use military canons or old airplanes and fire silver iodide into the right spot in a cloud called the inflow.  The combination of gun smoke and silver iodide allow ice crystals to form in the cloud, which get bigger and bigger until they fall and melt on the way down- in other words, rain.

Now, for states and countries that are in the midst of droughts, this sounds like a dream come true....

...until you read the history.  Turns out that the biggest areas to seed clouds are Texas and China.

AND...when we look at a map, just where are Texas and China?

Oh, right, there's on either side of the areas of the world that have the biggest Fing droughts.

Now, a lot of people are blaming global warming for these changing weather patterns, HOWEVER, I would like to point out that cloud seeding has been ramping up over the past twenty years.

Oh, wait, that rings a bell!  Isn't that how long California, Arizona, and New Mexico have been in a drought??  The same has been true of the Middle East.  

DO YOU THINK THAT THERE JUST MIGHT BE SOME CONNECTION BETWEEN AREAS NOT GETTING ENOUGH RAIN AND THE AREAS THAT ARE PULLING IT OUT OF THE AIR!?!

I mean, REALLY!  Do you REALLY think you're MAKING rain!?  NO!  You're pulling water from the atmosphere...THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF IT IN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW!  

(Chemists, don't get mad for me making that statement because we all know it's an on-going cycle of breaking and forming, but it's ABOUT the same)

But I digress.

JUST MAYBE, these snake oil salesmen are doing more harm than good?  DID ANYONE ever think of that?  I'm sure it must have come up in the NOAA meetings because THEY discontinued funding cloud seeding.

So, if you have the opportunity, please do pass along your thoughts to the cloud seeders- like, DUH!

The part that REALLY chaps my hide is that this water that is pulled from the air- it's not undergoing CONSERVATION.  It just rains on chemically-laden crop fields and then runs off and becomes non-potable sewer water.

I mean, SERIOUSLY!  Take some damn responsibility for your actions.  You're killing us all!

Boys Will Be Boys

So, I'm early to my all day workshop.  It's a workshop where most of the people do not work together in person, but they do over the phone...so, I found it very interesting to see the following:


1. All the boys sat together. (Okay, MEN).

2. There were only 3 men for 10 women in the IT planning meeting.  I point this out because I find it absolutely fascinating that women have infiltrated all EXCEPT the top two positions on the project.  Uhm, glass ceiling?

3. All of the native Minnesotans were obese or morbidly obese.  I found this sad because, for the Europeans in the room, it could only confirm the US stereotype that 80% of Americans are obese. (which was the case here).

4. All of the Europeans were fit.  I'm not saying fat or thin- they were fit.  They obviously participated in physical activity.  That I thought went a long way of confirming, for me, the European stereotype that Europeans are more healthy than Americans...since 100% of them were here.

5. It is amazing how much I HATE in-person meetings...and it's not just the stupid things about having to sit in the same room together.  It's the side conversations.  Everyone trying to get your attention on to them instead of the topic at hand.  When it's over the phone, there ISN'T room for that nonsense.

6. Because everyone works via WebEx, no one really looked at each other.  Hey, it's training, right?

I definitely prefer the virtual meetings- more productive and more on-topic AND you don't have to smell the BO of the obese person sitting next to you trying to tell jokes while you're taking notes.

OCD and Me

Does this picture drive you a little crazy?

There's nothing quite like walking past the blinds that are just slightly askew or not flipped correctly...or pen caps not being on all the way...or an unfinished jigsaw puzzle.

The one on the coffee table got me enraptured for an unexpected 30 minutes today...and it took all my willpower to walk away without finishing it.

Amazon Falls

I remember back at the turn of the century (man, that makes me feel old) when Amazon was this great little book store.  You could some books or DVDs and then they would magically appear in your mailbox within two days.

TWO DAYS!

And they were shrink wrapped to a piece of cardboard inside, which was literally part of the box.

And everything arrived in perfect condition because the contents of the box were not loose.  There was no banging around inside- it was all very tidy and all in perfect condition.

And that's because Amazon used to employ people to pack the boxes.  But then they fired those 60,000 workers and decided to put robots in their place.  We all know what the result has been.

The boxes are packed too heavy, so a delivery man can't lift it, so he tears open the box to lift it and then the contents fall out or get damaged.

The items in the box are just thrown or dropped into one box regardless of what they are:  gallons of cleaning fluids with light bulbs and potato chips.  No, seriously, this was and actual order.  I don't think I need to tell you want happened to the contents, do I?

So I started sending things back because they arrived damaged.

Now, I've been black listed.  I got a nasty-gram from Amazon saying that I've returned too many things and now "each one will be reviewed".

Uhm,

I hope ALL of my returns have been reviewed your Fing Assholes!  I don't order from Amazon for the shear thrill of finding out what they've managed to mangle.  I order because the price is right or I can't find the item elsewhere.  I HOPE you're reading my comments back and return to the time when you actually could deliver something in its original, manufactured condition.

Ah, but there's the catch.  You see, when the box arrives mangled, Amazon blames the delivery services.  The cost comes out of their delivery fee, so Amazon doesn't ever have to pay for the contents.  The way I see it, UPS, FedEx, and USPS ought to get a class-action suit going against Amazon for all the sprains, strains, and deferred costs that Amazon is pushing off on them.

Perhaps, then they'd realize that people know how to pack a box better than a robot.

And then MY package wouldn't have been returned to Amazon mid-delivery because it was damaged.  (And, no, Amazon, didn't notify me that there was a problem.  The package just didn't arrive).

At Least I'm Not the Only One

It's a perfect example of how dumb ideas get perpetuated in our language.  I'd blame George W, but this predates him.

Grad School Means Glasses

It's something I noticed early on:  the number of researchers and grad students that have glasses is pretty amazing.  I'd venture a guess at 90% or more.

I guess someone conned some money to do a study to count those numbers.

I think that the only interesting part is that it's myopia (near-sightedness), which I find a bit ironic from a holistic medicine perspective:  The more you learn about a subject, the less you see of everything else.

Kind of poetic, huh?

Public Pools

So, those of you that pee in the pool (and you KNOW who you are), ought to know that you are poisoning everyone in the pool.  You've obviously failed chemistry or any science and math class because otherwise you'd know that chlorine only kills small organisms- it doesn't PURIFY the water.

The only thing that purifies water is a water filter.

So, peeing and pooping in the pool just leaves that excrement in the pool.

AND on top of that, studies have now found that urinating in the pool actually combines chemically with the chlorine to make cyanide.

In case you don't know what cyanide is, it's the little blue pill that they give astronauts to kill themselves in case they get trapped and can't return.  So, by peeing in the pool, you're creating that lovely toxin in the water for everyone to breath in.  And while the study says that it's only a small amount of cyanide that gets formed from one person depositing their duty in the pool, you can imagine how much more is created when it's the kiddy pool.

It really makes you wonder how many people dye of cyanide poisoning from public pools.

It should also open your eyes to drinking chlorinated water from your tap.  If you can smell the chlorine, you really ought to think about what's IN it that they're killing off...

...because unless YOU'RE filtering the water, you're drinking whatever is in it.

thirsty?

Anger Management

Hi, everyone,

My advice to you for buying a house is this:

don't buy a used one.

No matter what, there is going to be SOMETHING that the owners aren't telling you.  And when you uncover it, you'll have to spend more money proving that they knew about it to get them to pay for it...and in Minnesota, that means that you're still out the lawyer fees because you can't pass those along to the defendants.

But I have to say, nothing in the word says vengence like having all the major appliances in your house fail in the first two weeks of ownership...and finding leaks in most of the plumbing.

Oh, and let's not forget the mouse because you know when you see one, there are more in the house.

So, forgive me for not writing.  I've had SO many things going on that I'm surprised that I make it through every day.

But at least the cats have found new entertainment.

College Education Is Killing America

Specifically, the American mentality that everyone has to go to college.  Get stats for number of countries that have tech college vs. college.

Grade inflation means that you're not actually LEARNING anything.  Colleges are a business and there is an expectation that no matter who you are, no matter what your abilities, you will get the credential at the end of the class.  What does that mean for America?

It means that we release a bunch of people into the workforce that are NOT educated.  They CANNOT do the job.  They usually are also so apathetic, that they don't WANT to do the job.

And what does that mean?

It means that, educational institutions, by their policy of grade inflation, are going to be the death of the American workplace because there is no place that people can go to get an actual education.  I mean, let's face it.  If you're an instructor (and I have been one) and you're made to pass everyone, you really give up.  You stop teaching and you stop caring and you keep your job...and become the shame of America.

What we should be doing is this:  college and university should be elitist institutions.  They should be reserved for people who actually care and actually WANT to be educated.  America should start realizing that the Bell Curve is a naturally occurring phenomenon when conducing a true test of skills.  We should celebrate the fact that some people are smart, but not everyone and we should be making exceptions for the smart, and not the stupid and retarded.  It's kind of the arrow fable, isn't it?  You're going to accomplish hitting the target you're looking at, America, so if you're looking at the dumb people, guess what?

Great job.

Not everyone can BE an astronaut...

..and as a society, we shouldn't WANT them to be, either.

When Present?

Saw this sign at Costco:

"Costco not responsible for damaged caused by unattended carts"

Makes you wonder:

Are they responsible for damage caused by attended carts?

Would you send your daughters to dance here?

http://www.studio4dancers.com/picture%20gallery/pic78.html

o_O

Not only do you really need to question their taste, but their age appropriateness...uhm, these girls aren't even at puberty yet!  How sick is that?!

Oh, and they don't protect their site, so you can just download all of these pictures to your computer.

I guess I understand now why there is a Bible-beating bakery a block away.

Stressful Situations

I recently read an article that talked about how highly stressful situations are the prime causes of brainwashing...and that how highly intelligent people are the ones most susceptible because they don't think that it works on them.

Of course, the article was discussing "religious" and "self-help" quack and their special retreats where they have all days sessions of bright lights, little water, little food, few bathroom breaks, and lots of meditating on ideas.

Now, if this DOESN'T strike a cord with you, you have never been in an "all day planning session" with your boss and peers.

I honestly think that bosses purposefully schedule all day planning sessions because they KNOW that they can wear everyone down to mindlessly agreeing with them by the end of it, just to get out of the room.

And, I haven't been in one, yet, that isn't that way.

Darwinism

It isn't working fast enough.

Particularly on attendees to outdoor rock concerts who drink themselves into a stupor and deafen themselves by standing in front of speakers that can be heard 10 miles away with the clarity of wearing a set of headphones.

I HATE outdoor concerts.  They should NEVER be allowed in an inhabited area.  Go out into a farm with nothing around for miles.

IVR Trees

Dear Product Managers,

I _HATE_ IVR (interactive voice response) trees.  The ones that you can actually understand and don't read the options too quickly, either don't have an option that fits my needs or the option is so FREAKISHLY long that I know you're just trying to keep your call volumes down by pissing people off.

And those of you how actually authorize more than 2 steps deep- HONESTLY!?  Do you even try this stuff out yourself?

Or is this further evidence of your desire to deter calls to your customer service?

I can understand having two deep, but usually one can suffice:  Accounts and Billing, Sales, Complaints, and Other Services.

Really- can you think of anything that a customer would be calling about that doesn't fit in those categories!?

Press 1 for Yes, I completely and udderly agree with you based on your fantastic logic.
Press 2 for Yes, I agree with you but I don't know what you mean by long option strings,
Press 3 for No, I am the happiest person ever and never have had to call customer service.
...
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...
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If you still need assistance, Please Press O for Operator and someone might be available to respond so that they can not answer your question and put your call back in the main IVR tree.

Performance Anxiety

Yes, yes, I know.  I haven't written much.  A couple of reasons for that:  one, vacation, and two, when I got back, I started worrying about writing a quality blog, rather than just an outlet blog.

Talk about mixing work with pleasure.

Who cares what I write about, right?

Whoa, Wait! A Job That Hires More Men Than Women

Gee- talk about a F@$@ newsflash.

Do I sound bitter?  Nah.  I just got off a scoping call for work at 4:30am with three other men in different time zones.

Why 4:30?

Because it worked out better for them.  What do they care?  I'm sure (actually, I know) all of them have wives than take care of the children and the house while they work.

They also wanted to continue to work on Independence Day and just because I didn't want to work the holiday...well, my opinion just wasn't that important.

As a little bit of salt in the wound here, please notice that the woman in the picture is, wait:  wearing glasses and a brunette.

Dumb Americans

It is at this time of year I often take time to reflect on how dumb Americans are:

1. We don't take vacations.
At least not in the traditional sense when you don't work.  Vacations for Americans mean "I have the right to decline a meeting", but I still have to keep up with the email in my Inbox.

2. We celebrate death and sadism.
What else would you call it?  Every 4th of July, we celebrate with fireworks that are supposed to symbolize bombs falling from the sky to kill people.  And while we doing that, we actually are shooting flying wildlife from the sky and polluting the air. Whooo.

3. We use fireworks to symbolize everything American about the 4th of July.
The Chinese must laugh their asses off every year.

And because Americans cling to fireworks on Independence Day like they cling to the Bible, I'll be sleeping in my basement tonight...hoping that my stupid neighbors know how to put out the fires caused by their Chinese-born American tradition.

And I'm Back!

Yup, the Irish Lass took a bit of a vacation.  Can't tell you where, though I'm sure the government has a record of all of my recent movements and purchases- hi, again!

Thanks to all of my loyal patriots for letting me enjoy a week off.  I'll be back in the saddle fighting the insanity and sharing my nuggets of wisdom for everyone's enjoyment (and storage).

So, That's What's Wrong With Americans...

First thought:  Duh.  Who would have guessed that chemicals designed to disrupt normal cell function actual do disrupt normal cell function!

Second thought:  1 out of 68 Americans are autistic??  Either autism is over diagnosed (probable) or Americans are not the cream of the reproductive crop (also probable).

Final thought:  notice that these studies come from California...where most of the produce is grown in the US?  

Yum yum, America.

More of the Same

Can you find the chick flick?

Can you find the manly man, special-effects movie?

It's just a little depressing to know that we're just going to keep making the same stereotypical movie with the same endings.