Tell Me About Your Emergency Contacts

Just a short rant today, continuing in the vein of web and electronic form design.

In the past 7 days, I have had to assist multiple clients with the following fields:

Emergency Contacts
Contact Name
Contact Relationship
Contact Phone

Now, this looks like it should be SO easy, but it evidently isn't.

One client wants to know the type of phone (uhm, does it really matter anymore!?)

and all clients want you to define your relationship to your emergency contact.

Now, I don't understand why this is necessary in the first place.

Does this change the fact that they're going to be contacted in something bad happens to you?

No

Does this change in anyway anything about them being your emergency contact and responsible for you in case of emergency?

No

So, why the F#@$ does it matter?

To make matters worse, one client actually has defined the relationships down to the following:

Husband
Wife
Son
Daughter
Aunt
Uncle
Grandmother
Grandfather
Friend

 Now, this is a semi-thorough list of familial relationships, though it skews the answers towards the elderly being in charge of the youngin's...which, let's face it, isn't necessarily the case.  With life expectancies increasing, it is not uncommon that a grandchild would be the emergency contact for an (unfortunately) employed octogenarian.

And, what about other types of emergency contacts?

I had one friend of mine have to go and identify the dead body of their employee following a bar fight.

So, not exactly a "friend" there...more of a boss situation...

And what about orphans?  Where's the "social worker" option?

Or, again unfortunately, what about parole officers?

When designing these forms, please take into account life situations OTHER than your own.  Not everyone is as fortunate to live your life.

Country Conundrum

So, I am a BA, right?

Part of my job is designing websites and recently, I've encountered more and more customers who have international aspirations for their sites.

Thus, when filling out the online customer information form, a Country is required in the address.

Now, I think that having international aspirations for your new site is, well, a little grandiose, but I wish these customers good luck.

What I have trouble with is where they feel the Country information field belongs in the customer information forms.....

• Customer Name
• Address line 1
• Address line 2
• City
• State
• ZIP Code (Yes, it's actually an acronym, so it's "ZIP Code")
• Country

Uhm...does anyone else see a problem with gathering the information this way?

No?

Well, let me ask you:  what state should you pick when two fields later you change your country to "Ecuador".

What format should the ZIP Code be in if you reside in Germany?

NOW, do you see the problem?

Yes, this may be a bit weird, but this is one of the times where gathering information online is much different than writing it on, say, an envelope.

The proper order for gathering the information on these forms should be:

• Customer Name
• Address Line 1
• Address Line 2
• City 
• Country
• State/Province
• Postal Code  (because, duh, not every country has a "ZIP Code")

But while we're on the subject, there is one additional change that needs to be made for the best user experience:

• Customer Name
• Address Line 1
• Address Line 2
• Country
• Postal Code
• State/Province
• City 

Why in this order?

Because the Country will dictate not only the State/Province, but also the postal code.   And if you know the postal code, you actually already know the state/province AND city.  These two fields shouldn't even have to be filled in by the user.

Think about it.

But, alas, until the rest of the world realizes that we're working harder than we need to, we're all going to work harder than we need to.

Further Reasons to NOT Shop at Amazon

So, I think I've been quite vocal about returning items from online sales sites where the item just isn't up to snuff.

Let's face it, a lot of things aren't up to snuff anymore.

Well, Amazon has recently started a new policy to dun the complainers.

In other words, instead of fixing their products and services, they're blaming the consumers who are notifying them of their crappy fulfillment and delivery processes.

The letter looks something like this:

Hello,

We're writing to apologize for the number of issues you've experienced with your shipments. Your correspondences with us indicate you've required refunds/replacements on a majority of orders for a number of reasons.

Through the normal course of business, the occasional problem is inevitable. However, you seem to have had an unusually high rate of problems in your account history.

When unusual account activity such as this comes to our attention, we'll evaluate each account on a case-by-case basis to determine if additional action is necessary, including closing the account. We’d prefer to work with you to avoid that inconvenience, as we do value your business.

If you have any questions in the future regarding your account, please write to us directly at cis@amazon.com.

We appreciate your cooperation and understanding.

Best regards,

Account Specialist.

But when you write back to tell them that they are wrong and that it's the delivery process with just UPS, say, they reply that it's still your fault and that they'll be watching you and that every return you want to make at this point will be directed to a specialist for review.

This is when the masses really need to rise up and revolt.  This is the WORST treatment of a loyal customer and I hope that enough people get pissed off with Amazon that they learn their lesson.

Otherwise, make sure you're paying with a major credit card so that you can get them involved when Amazon refuses to allow you to return a box that was smashed or opened by the UPS guy.

Sometimes It's Ok to Take Awhile to Learn Something

I recently ran across this video for TED Talks.  It's about how to tie your shoes...

CORRECTLY.

Now, me being the OCD, Perfectionist that I am, I felt I really needed to pay close attention to this one.

It turns out that, based on the physics and torque applied to the laces during foot movement (remember torque?) that there IS a right way and a wrong way to tied those suckers.

And while it look me until I was 6 to learn to tie my shoes by myself, I was quite satisfied to learn that I learned the CORRECT way...and hence never suffered from loosening laces like the kids that learned the WRONG way.

Product Reviews Cripple Purchase Volume

Now, I don't have any hard facts on this.  It's only anecdote.

But what I want to ask YOU is this:  

How many products have your been persuaded NOT to purchase a product because a bad product review?

I know I can't be alone in this.

And yet the conversation I was having with my husband the other day was this:

Why do I care what someone of unknown expertise has to say about this product?

This is a real problem, particularly with technology, because you really DON'T know what the expertise is of the reviewer.  You don't know if this person even knows how to install a USB device.

And yet, we read AND BELIEVE the reviews that they print.

You don't even know if the reviews are real- they could be posted by the competitor's employees.

So, are we really better off with these reviews?  Companies spend hundreds of thousands of dollars every year adding reviews to their products, but does it really help?

No matter what, you're going to look at that 1 star review about a lemon that the person says they received and extrapolate to believe that ALL the items are of the same quality.

What my husband and I have found is that there are by far more poor reviews out there than good reviews because people who are pissed off have more to say....and apparently more time to say it.  

It's an interesting perspective to know that people are at least 50% more likely to post a review of less than stellar quality than one of good quality.

Does that really help you decide?

If anything, it seems to lead us to a state of purchasing indecision:  should you buy it anyway or listen to the crackpot writing the review...

I think what sites really need to add is not more reviews, but more filters on the qualifications of the reviewers.  I know I would be much more interested in the opinion of a sound engineer on a pair of headphones than I would someone working at Jack N the Box.

Until then, I remain in need of a good pair of headphones...and unable to decide on what to buy because the reviews are all about the same.

poor

Worst Bumper Sticker Ever

When I was learning to be a graphic designer, I was taught that advertisements, particularly while driving, should be limited to 5 words and a picture because that's all the time you really have to read something going at 60 miles an hour.

I don't want to extrapolate on how many words they need to shorten that by to get my attention while driving....

Anyway, I was pulled up behind a gas-guzzling SUV the other day that had a bumper stick on it:

If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

First off:  A LOT of words crammed into a bumper sticker, not to mention the rather large image that was also included in the sticker.

Second off:  Who uses bumper stickers anymore!?  They never come off while means you're basically tattooing your car.  Not to mention the fact that your opinion may get you killed when you advertise it on your car in some areas of a city.

That's America.

But what really bothered me about this sticker was that it has this big message, but no obvious call to action for the reader.

Yes, I'm outraged.

But about what?

I'm outraged about a great many things.  My acupuncturist says that is is a waste of balancing Qi (chi) to be outraged, but I am anyway.

This sticker just tells you to be outraged.


Gee, that's helpful.

In direct contrast is one of my favorite bumper stickers:  CoExist, which is spelled out with religious symbols.








It's one word.


It's a call to action.


It's simple.

It's also about peace.










So, while I am outraged about a great many things, having signs all over to encourage people to be unhappy seems like a very poor way to get things done.

Cats and Movies

So, over the past decade, my husband and I have professed ourselves to be quite the cinemaphiles.  Before our daughter, we saw a new movie a couple of times a week, either on-screen or renting (yes, the days of having to RENT movies).

But I've noticed that it's become increasingly difficult to find a movie WORTH seeing.  My husband was trying to tell me that my tastes are just more discerning now because I have less time to watch the movies.

Well, there might be some truth to that...

...I don't think that's the truth of it.

Even before the kid, we rarely went to see a "big picture" because they're all the same.

Who wants to see the same story retold and retold and retold?

BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG.

So, we had really turned our attentions to Indie (Independent) movies.  But even those seem to have lost there originality and lately have been more in the flavor of "we're an indie movie, but we have big picture worthiness"....and when they TRY for it, they never are.

As we were reliving our pre-kid adventures, my husband told me about this article that he read about a screenwriting "manual" that evidently EVERYONE is using.

EVERYONE.

Ok, probably not everyone but evidently all the screenwriters who aren't on wellfare right now.


The name of this miracle manual?

Save the Cat!


Evidently, this book instructs the reader on how to get a screenplay purchased by the film industry...down to the specific action on the page in the screenplay.

Now, I always kind of felt that MANY movies were the same.

"Oh, this is where they miss each other, but their friends both seem them."

"Oh, this is where the <toxic gas, bomb threat, asteroid, killer wave, etc> is announced to a few attentive people"...

The fact that I was right doesn't surprise me.

(sorry, it doesn't)

But what makes me so sad and scared is that there are some many people in the world, particularly the US, that don't recognize that they're watching the same movie.

The same message.

The same ending.

Seventy years ago, they had a special name for movies like that:

PROPAGANDA

Sexism Sold By Fisher Price

I recently gave my daughter the Fisher Price Lil Movers SUV.
She's of that age where she's interested in making the little cars move, you know?

So, it came with two people:  a blonde boy and an Asian girl.

Whatever.

I was just glad that there were two for the front and back "seats"...and that one was a boy and one was a girl.

So, I'm playing with it with my daughter and I can't seem to get both people into the seats well.  I didn't think much of it, but my daughter's nanny made the connection for me:

The boy sits in the front.

The girls sits in the back.

Nice, huh?

And it's totally true.

So, I went looking for the product on Fisher Price's website.  Evidently, there's been an update to this product since I purchased it....

..Now it comes with a blonde mom and a baby that sits in the back.

This was even worse, for me.

Where's the dad, here!?!  Are moms the only ones that cart babies around in the SUV?  (no, I don't have a gas guzzling SUV.  I have a subcompact and, so far, am stubbornly refusing to ever change).

What I can't believe is this:  with ALL the different family structures in today's world, the ONLY option that FP offers here is a mom and the kid.  I'm not saying that they need to actually fully embrace the modern world and offer sets with two dads or two moms, of just the dad with custody, but, hey, don't these families buy toys, too!?!

What is the dad-only family going to to tell his kid about having a mom in the car?

Good to know that we're all still subliminally living in 1950.

The Best of Times

So, on Sunday,there was this fantastic article in the Star Tribune about how there is an ideal time for eating, sleeping, and exercising.

Uhm....

duh?

But in the printed version, they have lovely full-page, color article with a circadian clock showing just what you should be doing every hour of the day, including getting up at 6am, eating breakfast at 6:30, exercising at 7:30...then you go to work. then you eat at noon AND exercise (it's amazing how much a single person is supposed to get done), then you take a nap at 1pm, then you continue working, and exercise again at 3pm and then eat dinner at 7pm (long time between meals, I think), then you stop eating at 8 (a whole hour of feasting, I guess) and then you finally go to sleep at 11.

Now...a couple of issues I see with fantastic article:

1. Who has the time to exercise three times a day!?!  I mean, seriously!  You obviously don't have a real job or a family to take care of.

2.  There is such a thing as eating and exercising too close together.  It's the whole idea that you'll get a cramp while swimming if you eat before you swim.  Well, swimming is just an intensive aerobic exercise- the same is true of ANY exercise.  You should wait at least 20 minutes after you eat before you exercise so that you finish your digesting properly (or it goes straight to fat) and you correctly exercise your muscles.  Your body can't digest and exercise at the same time.  So it WILL store that meal you just ate as fat.

So...you pretty much are doing yourself no good at that point.

3. Take a nap at 1pm.
I want to ask the writer:  does YOUR boss let you take a nap at 1pm?  Because sleep studies have shown that unless you can get at least 15 minutes in for a nap, you're brain chemistry is worse off then if you didn't even try.

4. My final large comment is about the amount of sleep- is it shocking to anyone that 7-9 hours of sleep is a good amount for adults to get?  Do you want to know the average amount of sleep a working parent gets:  4-5 hours.  But I guess this article is really aimed at old farts who have nothing to do or college students who are likewise unemployed and bored.

As for the rest of us, I think that if you manage to get one session of exercise and one good night sleep of at least 5 hours, you're probably doing better than average.

Funding for the Arts Saves Lives

I recently watched a documentary about the role that fine art (namely paintings and sculpture) played in WWII.  It's a story that I had heard when I was in Art School.  I thought it was one of those "textbook facts", that turn out to be more opinion than truth....

...but when you hear the same story in a documentary as an adult, you kind of start to wonder.

And what was this nugget of novelty?

That Hilter (yes, the same guy) was a disgruntled art student who was declined admission to art school but his two colleagues made it in.

And why is this so interesting?

Because, supposedly, the two colleagues were Jewish, and so was the Dean who signed the non-acceptance letter.

Puts a different slant on the whole Antisemitism thing, huh?

So, this documentary walks through the planned invasions of different cities following orders from Hitler to go after the specific pieces of fine art.  The documentary, called The Rape of Europa, wants to draw the conclusion that Hilter's only intention in the invasions was to collect the art.

I don't know if I'd go that far, but I think that artists do like art.

I think disgruntled people have a tendency to seek someone to blame and, when they find someone, they want revenge for an imagined affront.

After having been turned down, myself, from art school, I know what that feels like.  I can see how someone can take it too far.

I can also see how, if the arts and music were properly funded by the public, more artists would be able to go to art schools...

...and such travesties would never have happened.

Think about that when you hear about our government continuing to cut the budget of art and music programs.

Think about how we might be breeding another Hitler.

Best Ever Bath Drain Plug

We just moved our daughter from the baby bath to the big bath tub.

And in doing so, we encountered a small problem:

The drain plug in our bath tub doesn't work.

We checked the local hardware store and the local Walmart and the local Target, but none of them had the simple little rubber flap drain plug.

Of course, we were stuck because the baby bath was gone and the kid needed a bath.  I tried blocking the drain with a shampoo bottle, but it didn't conform to the drain enough to keep the water in, though it slowed it down a bunch.

I began thinking.

What could I use that would deform to shape of the plug but be heavy enough to stay down?

And then it hit me:

A bag of water!

And it works.

• Take one Ziplock baggy (at least the gallon size or your bath will be REALLY shallow).
• Fill it with water.
• Zip it up so that no air pockets are in the bag.
• Put the bag over the drain.
• Fill up the bath!

The only draw backs are that you need to take the time to fill up the baggy and that the water depth is limited to the height of the bag - water being as buoyant as water and all.  But perhaps a liquid heavier than water would be better....

I bet I market them in cute little stamped baggies and make a killing.  Even selling them for 99 cents each.

Want to buy one?

The Real Reason the US Postal Service is Stopping Saturday Deliveries...

Inventions in Need of An Inventor

Yesterday, we lost power, which meant no lights, no fans, no air conditioner....and no internet.

So, as I sat in the dark holding my daughter, I began to think about how it was still 85*F and 80% humidity outside and I started thinking about what we were going to do if the power didn't come back soon.

The frig and freezer were ok for a bit because we hadn't opened them recently.

But with multiple asthmatics in the house, the humidity was going to be a problem soon.  I thought about moving everyone down into the car and running the air (and then about how the garage door is powered, so we'd have to use the emergency override...I was glad that I didn't have an electric car, though)...

...and then it hit me:

Why don't we have simple converters for our carx to use them as generators for some of the basic appliances in the house?

Like a fan or the frig...

Makes you think, doesn't it?  I mean, if you bought a power generator, it's pretty much just a gas-powered engine.  So, why can't we use our car engines?

With the growing number of people using more and more electricity in their homes, these outages are bound to continue. A simple converter would be a GREAT invention.  It might even encourage people to stick with gas-powered engines.

So, there's invention #1 that needs an owner- volunteers?

Invention #2 is more of small electronics or optics gadget, I think:  a heads-up display for reading to your kids .  Just before the lights went off I was reading to my growing daughter and thinking how much more of a cramp I'm getting in my neck now that's she's taller and we're playing the "down in front" dance while I'm trying to read and she's trying to look at the pictures.  So, I began thinking of my years in science labs where the teacher would be demonstrating on the table, but there were two big mirrors over the table to give the class a heads-up display where they could watch the demonstration without fighting for a front-row seat (which never happens in college, anyway).

So, why couldn't there be something similar on the small scale?  It would need to be very light and portable- perhaps attach to the book like a Book light or perhaps to your wrist.  It would need to show the page in some sort of heads-up type display so that you don't need to crane your neck when reading, but you could see see when your kid points to something that they like.  I know it's a great candidate for something holographic....but I don't know if that's really marketable yet.

There you go.  Two great inventions- let me know when someone makes them!

Amazon Sells More Than You Know!

Amazon is constantly changing their site, particularly the footer  where you can click for Help.

I DON'T think this is on accident....particularly with the quality of merchandise and shipping dramatically becoming the WORST purchasing experience ever with with 80% of the purchases having to be returned because of poor quality and damage.

So, I was recently looking for the Help link, AGAIN, and found some rather disturbing disclaimers in the Privacy Policy about the information that Amazon collects AND sells about you.

If you haven't read it, you probably should.  Every purchase you make, every item you look at, every item you have on a wish list, or registry list, all of the information you have on any list about you, your family, your pictures, birth dates...

Amazon sells them all.

Happy shopping.

Planned Development

So, my daughter recently decided she was going to be potty trained.  It was completely up to her and she decided that she wanted to be a big girl and pee in the potty...and more.

It's completely surprising since she's not even 18 month yet.

But enough bragging.

This is a complaint to clothing manufacturers.

So, as I was saying, my daughter decided to be potty trained. And this has led me to realize why they don't make onesies in sizes larger than 24 months:

Clothing manufacturers EXPECT you to be potty training your kid after 24 months.  So, they stop making onesies that have snaps that get in the way during de-panting and start making "underwear"....

...which for little boys comes in the same little white shirts and wife-beaters (o_O) as men...

...and for girls, the underwear comes in the form or camisoles.

Because at 24 months, it's important to know the difference, you know?

GRRRRRRRRRRR

They're kids, for god sake!  Why do you need to create an artificial gender bias at 2 years old!  (it's so that girls, by the time their 3 can have eating disorders.)

Now, I really want to know:  what use is a camisole as an undershirt?

ADULT women wear it under dress jackets or if they want to be alluring, they just wear the camisole.  It's basically just to cover the boob-age or the boob-age cleft.

Now, toddlers..hmmm....yeah, the boob-age coverage is a real problem, isn't it?

Clothing manufacturers:  why do you think parents buy undershirts at this age?

No, it's not to cover the boob-age or to look like an adult.  It's to protect the outer clothes from body sweat and whatnot.

So, what good is a camisole?  Or a wife-beater, for that matter?  The biggest sweat areas are MISSING FROM THE SHIRTS!

What morons!  Glad I can sew- those onesies are getting a trim.

The Reminder Note

I think that no mnemonic has been as much maligned as the reminder note.  In fact, several business seminars that I've been to on how to organize your day better actually give this advise:

"Many people put too many things down on a reminder note.  The reminder note should only have the top three things you need to get done for the day."

And then when you consistently don't meet those goals, you can attend their next self help seminar.

This advise is COMPLETELY WRONG.

Let me ask you this:  When performing an audit of your monthly budget, do you just write down the top 3 expenses you have every month or do you detail out EVERYTHING you spend?

Of course, you put down everything.

So, when you're planning your daily time budget, why would you only write down the top three things you need to do?

That's full of bullshit.

Usually what happens when people are given this advise is that they over generalize what they need to get done for the day...and because the goal is not a task, it can't be accomplished.

Here's my advise:

1. Write down EVERYTHING you need to do in a day.  You can organize it by sections of the day in which you need to accomplish it, if you want (e.g. make dinner is in the evening, so it goes at the end of the list).
2. DO NOT overgeneralize.  Everything you write down should be do-able.  If you need to clean the bathroom, write down each step.
3. DO add things to your list as they come up during the day.  I know that some people think this is cheating (hey, I used to.)  People say it's just to make you feel better to add something then check it off, but wouldn't you add it to the reminder list for tomorrow if it were something to do tomorrow?  So, why is today any different?  

And what's wrong with making yourself feel good about actually accomplishing things?

Well, it doesn't sell seminars, for one thing.

My final piece of advise is this:  if you're a cheap skate like I am, use old envelopes or anything you can write on to make your list.  Just be sure to make it.  And feel free to keep making the list and refining it as you go through the day.

You'll be amazed where your time goes.

Marinade That Adds More Than Salt And Sugar

So, today we're reviewing another great product in the modern grocery products:  French's Flavor Infuser.

Have you seen this advertised?   I found this coupon in the paper showing a cartoon of a hand ramming this product into a roast of some sort....and it really made me wonder about the food safety issues.  This is the non-medical person's answer to using a syringe to inject marinade into meats.

This is not something new.

Being in the biomedical profession, I can tell you that it is quite common for large syringes to go missing around Thanksgiving and Christmas (but when the lab buys them by the 1000s, it's hard to miss one or two).

Anyway, the idea is that you have this syringe (or tube) that is filled with a wet marinade and you jam the needle (or pointy bit) into the meat, where you then give it an injection of flavor.

Honestly, for tough, dry meat, I can see why it came about.

However, there are drawback to this method, namely, the backwash.

There's always a little backwash that comes into the needle and syringe when you use it for an injection of say, vaccine, which is why the whole syringe is discarded, not just the needle.  The same is true of using the syringe for marinade- some of the fluid from the meat is going to backwash into the syringe...

...which is why the biomedical people who use this cooking method use a new syringe every time.

But that's not obvious to everyone...and French's certainly doesn't make it obvious in their advertising.

In fact, you have to go TO THEIR WEBSITE, look on the product page, and there, in fine print are the words:
*Single use only


When I went searching for the ingredients to this product (which they do NOT have listed on their site), I ended up on the FAQ page, where almost every question is about whether or not you should/could reuse the marinade squeezer.  I mean, it looks like it's a multi-use product:  it's fairly large and it's got a cap and everything.

I won't keep the suspense from you:  YOU SHOULD NOT EVER REUSE THIS.

In fact, with 4% of your daily sugar and 38% of your daily sodium intake and a tube that looks like a difficult-to-squeeze version of a tube of toothpaste, I would high advocate NOT using this product anyway.

And just because you asked, no I have not tried it myself.  It's not gluten-free.

There's Actually Something Different Between The Two

I recently received Glutino gluten free bread mix as a gift.  It turned out to be a great substitute for wheat flour when I tried to make cinnamon rolls.

YES, really!  I rolled them and everything!  You couldn't hardly tell the difference between the two (at least, that's what I was told).

I just know it was really good.

So, I continued to purchase the bread mix and tried a couple of other fruit bread recipes.

Well....

It didn't really hold up to the fruit juices so much.  Oh well.

sigh

I was already to give up ever getting to have a good piece of gluten free pumpkin bread, when I decided to try Glutino's Muffin Mix.

Now, I'm a HUGE skeptic when it comes to such nonsense about bread flour and cake flour and whatnot.  Yes, there is a difference in the milling fineness, but don't tell me about it being sifted differently because when you get it in a box (or a bag) in the store, it's all just heavy, lumpy flour anyway.

But, since the muffin mix was on sale, I decided to try it.

And I'm glad I did!  I decided to make simple blueberry muffins out of it.  I also had some Greek yogurt (Fage brand- some really, really SOUR high protein stuff that's closer to sour cream that it is to yogurt).  I figured that the extra protein from the Greek yogurt would provide a good lattice for the xanthan gum to give that fake gluten feel to the bread.  But don't try to use those Yoplait or Dannon brands- they're really more milk than protein.  Fage is 23 grams of protein PER SERVING.

...So in other words, I bought the mix, but I didn't use the recipe on the box.   Here's how I changed it:

EASY Gluten Free  Blueberry Muffins
Glutino Muffin Mix (1 bag)
1 Cup Fage brand Greek Yogurt
1 Cup granulated sugar
3 Eggs
6 T softened butter
1 t vanilla (I use Penzey's double strength)
fresh, washed blueberries patted dry *If you use fresh blueberries, you'll need 1-2T Minute tapioca to help absorb the extra juice.

Preheat oven to 350*F.

1. Blend the eggs, butter, and sugar together until light and fluffy. (be sure you're using the whisk attachment to your blender)
2. Add the yogurt and continue to blend.
3. Add the vanilla.
4. Add the muffin mix continue to blend well.
5. Spoon into regular/standard sized muffin cups.  I HIGHLY recommend using silicone when baking gluten-free.
6. Press a few blueberries (4-5) into the batter of each muffin cup.
7. Bake for 20-30 minutes at 350*F

These are LIGHT and FLUFFY with lovely air pockets in them

The downside:  they are still gluten free and do stiffen up a bit after a day, but a few seconds in the microwave will restore them. (Oh, and keep them in the frig if you used fresh fruit or you'll end up with a nice fermenting ground).

Boss-Speak

When I was a girl, I was a nerd.

I sat in the front of every class- front AND center.

I absolutely STROVE to catch the admiration of the teacher.

This, as it seems, is yet another way the educational system has led me astray.

It turns out, NO ONE in business wants to give you any admiration, ESPECIALLY your boss. The best you can hope for is being "useful" to your boss- "useful" people who don't rock the boat maintain their jobs.

It's sad, isn't it?  But there's no job out there for boat rockers...(unless you have a fortune hidden somewhere).

It actually took me until just recently to figure this out, too. Even through getting laid off because of "personality conflicts", I didn't see (or refused to admit) the obvious truth:


No one WANTS a know-it-all....

...you just need to show them how much they NEED a know-it-all.

And the person that you really want to secure is on your side is not the boss, but the boss' best friend.  In IT, this is usually the mouth piece or the Architect.  Either way, you want them on your side.  I actually managed to get one of them on my side once, and he's the one that told me about the tallest blade of grass getting whacked first...and how you NEVER volunteer.  Now, he was an ex-navy soldier, but I watched and found out that he was pretty much right.

And as I sat back and watched, I heard more about the boss was ACTUALLY saying.

For example:

"What do you think about having a new team meeting first thing Monday mornings?"

S/he isn't actually wanting the truth AT ALL.  What they are saying is:

"We're going to have a new team meeting first thing Monday mornings.  Be excited."

And when s/he says:
"I'll take a look at it."

What they mean is:
"I'll get someone smart that I trust to look at it and tell me what it means."

But the best one I just "heard" through the lines was this one:
"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Really means:
"Stop complaining.  I don't want to hear about this again...or I'll give you something to complain about."

When Buying A Kitchen....

I recently started looking for a toy kitchenette for my daughter.  This is all ironic since I've been trying to renovate my own kitchen for years now.

I have to say, this is one of THE toys that I've looked forward to getting for her.  I remember having a three piece set when I was growing up.  We had to keep it out in the garage, though, and, since we lived out in the middle of a walnut orchard, it got infested with moths and caterpillars.

I was really sad when we had to leave it.

So, I've been looking forward to this day for a LONG time.

...and it seems that the world is giving me plenty to savor when looking for a kitchenette for my daughter.  I quick search on Amazon for a toy kitchen set produced over 1000 hits.

1000!

Some of the brands, like Little Tykes, I've heard of before, but then there are some really fancy kitchens with "working" burners and cash registers (they have "cafe kitchens" and "market kitchens", you see).

Since I've been out of the toy kitchen market for awhile, I've found that I'm drilling down to all the extra pictures on these kitchens.  Some of the kitchens even have sample videos, to walk you through the kitchen- I feel like it's an advertisement for a adult sized kitchen, which a host and everything.

Last time I checked, the frig was a floor-length appliance.  I find that I can't talk myself into getting one that doesn't represent a realistic kitchen, no matter how cute...but I have found a couple of contenders.

Now, if they will actually fit in MY kitchen...that'll be the trick!  (Santa, I promise not to be too jealous)

By the Light of The Moon

We all have heard the stories of werewolves and people generally going crazy at the full moon....or vampires...

Well, scientists are spending their time and money on trying to find proof for things we already know:

http://www.livescience.com/37928-ways-the-moon-affects-animals.html


But I honestly had forgotten about the Doodlebugs...

fun, huh?

Age Is Everything

I love plums.

I remember growing up in California and there being so many different types of plums- but the ones I liked best were the black ones with the red meat inside.  Usually, you get the black ones with the yellow instead.  They're ok, but they just don't taste as good.  Kind of like nectar peaches (aka white peaches)- they just taste so much better than the orange ones.

Well, I recently went to Costco for my weekly stockup and found that they had plums on sale

BLACK plums.

They looked REALLY good, too- and CHEAP!  Only $4.99 for the huge package of almost 20 plums!

So, I decided to chance it and try them- afterall, the white peaches that I had (shockingly) found the previous weeks were pretty good, so, perhaps they were selecting good stone fruits.

And they WERE good.  When I bit into one, I found out it was the type with the red flesh inside!

I hadn't had those since California!

So, naturally, I was curious about the origins of these fruits.

Dinuba, California.

I had relatives that lived there.  Boondocks kind of farm town in the middle of Nowhere, California.

But that DID explain why they tasted so good- nothing like the terroir of the soil you grew up eating out of, you know?

WELL, I was then suddenly, and irrevocably disappointed.

The package was labeled "Plumes Prunes".

Uhm....

They're not PRUNES until they're old and dried out!  A plum may be a prune by a prune is NOT a plum.

I know there is this (baffling) co-branding of prunes as dried plums now because, for some reason, prunes have a bad image.

But then, why take a perfectly good plum and try to call it a prune!?

It would be like calling a grape a raisin.

I NEVER hear anyone make that mistake.  So, what is this learning deficiency about prunes?

Prune recipe:
1 very ripe plum.

Take the pit out of the plum.
DRY IT UNTIL IT SHRIVELS.

Since you are adding heat, the fruit is chemically changed- it is NOT the same plum.

Is it really all that shocking that Americans are seen as dumb?

Viscosity (And Why You Need a Multi-Purpose Tool in The Bathroom)

[From Wikipedia]The viscosity of a fluid is a measure of its resistance to gradual deformation by shear stress or tensile stress. For liquids, it corresponds to the informal notion of "thickness". For example, honey has a higher viscosity than water.^[1]

Generally, I think that people most commonly encounter the term "viscosity" on motor oil commercials- maintaining viscosity at different temperatures to protect your motor components.

But viscosity, for me, brings to mind a toiletry items:  namely lotion and Desitin.

You see, before my husband came into the picture, I, like so many others, would use lotion until it wouldn't come out of the pump any more.

And then, I, like so many others, would take the pump out of the bottom and shake out what I could...thinking that I was getting a great deal more than if I just left it to the pump, who's straw didn't reach the bottom (or corners) of the lotion bottle.

But it was my husband who brought the Swiss Army Knife into the bathroom.

"Why is there a Swiss Army Knife in the bathroom?"

"It's not a Swiss Army Knife."

"Ok, why is the multi-purpose tool in the bathroom?"

"It's what I use to cut open lotion bottles"

And to my look of consternation, my husband showed me how much lotion was still left in the bottle, even after taking it and shaking it.

The reason:  viscosity.

You see, the lotion clings to the side of the bottle and there isn't enough shearing force to move it to the mouth of the bottle, so you end up loosing a ton of lotion.

And manufacturers are getting worse about this- the straws in lotion bottles are getting shorter and their diameter is narrowing so that the last 1/8th of the bottle is still left untouched.

It's a similar story with toothpaste..which is why they say to "squeeze from the bottom", which is frankly ridiculous when the tube fits so perfectly into one's hand.  But in order to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube, we resort to laying the tube on a flat surface and "scraping" the contents from the base with the side of a comb...or the multi-purpose tool.  (But I do want to take credit for the idea of keeping a binder clip on flattened, rolled part to prevent the paste from retreating back into the flattened crevasses.)

Desitin (yes, the butt paste) is even worse, particularly if you buy the Extra Strength (which is the original strength, but this way they can say that the 10% zinc oxide is worth more than the "lesser strength" paste).  Anyway, the new plastic tubes of Desitin are not designed for the viscosity of the 10% zinc oxide paste, so you have to kneel on the tube to extrude it.  Haven't found a great solution for that one yet, but I'll keep you posted.  We're too cheap to leave any in the tube.

So, the moral of this story is:  viscosity threat to your pocket book (unless you bring a Swiss Army Knife).

Documentary Challenges Thrillers For Scare

Just when I thought that I was one of very few trying to warn people about data privacy and Big Brother governments....

Really, how does a country like the United States manage to pull the wool over their citizen's eyes SO EASILY!?

WAKE UP!

While the year is 2013, it's looking a LOT LIKE 1984!

To Pee or Not To Pee

We've just started toilet training our daughter, so I have toilets on my mind a lot lately.   We're still early in the process, so we haven't had to experience the public toilet..yet.

I have to say, I'm not looking forward to the initial experiences of having to lift my daughter for that long why trying to aim her little butt appropriately.

I did purchase some toilet seat covers, which  will be glad of when the time comes.  They are the same shape as the cheap donut paper you occasionally find in the stall...without the ridiculous O in the middle still attached.  They're thick and foamy, with little tape strips attached to them, so they'll stay in place.  (Though, really, the girl with her hand almost in the toilet!?!  Interesting picture.)  The only drawback I see is that they're not flushable...so I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it when I'm done.


And it came to me:  why do we still have the same toilet design that we've had since the

1500s (or before!?)  Why do we have the seats attached to the public toilets?  The majority of the time, we're in there peeing and they honestly just become splash zones that have to be wipes (HOPEFULLY) when the user is done.  I mean, if we're just hovering why put them in?
I did use some very high tech toilet seat liners in my travels around the world....but you still end up with the splash problem.

So, why not have better design?  Like, the toilet seat is in the wall where it can be cleaned in between uses.  If you need to use the seat, you push a button and it is dispensed like a Pez.  When you're done, you push the button again and it's retracted for cleaning.

Wouldn't that be nice?  It wouldn't be in the way...and it would be clean every time.

Something to mull over in your pondering spot today.